How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life

by Caroline Webb

Here are some suggestions for rapidly creating an in-group feeling with someone you’re talking to: Find a shared interest. Look out for anything that signals interests or preferences that resonate with your own, however small they are. Music, gadgets, clothing, and hobbies are all fair game. Be willing to comment or ask about it, and to share your own experience. Highlight a common goal. This creates a deeper connection, because it usually signals shared values. To elicit shared goals, ask, “What matters most to you in this?” and “What do we both hope to achieve?” Talk about a common complaint. Be careful how you use this, because negativity can nudge people out of discovery mode. But it’s an easy conversational gambit to complain about bad weather or traffic. A little “us against the world” (or against competitors or corporate headquarters) can help to create a feeling of being on the same team. Echo the other person’s words. Not only does this help people feel you’re on the same wavelength, but playing back someone’s turn of phrase shows you’ve really been listening. The effect can be striking, even when you’re merely echoing statements of fact; one study found that waiters get higher tips when they repeat an order back to customers.