The Mother Road

by Meghan Quinn

There comes a time in a girl’s life when she has to reach deep down into her soul, clear the pathways of her inner goddess, and let out her nuclear Satan. You know what I’m talking about. The crazy.

It’s that time of the month; its shark week, as some may say. The civil war is being reenacted by your ovaries and death is scatted over your fallopian tubes.

You lose it. Your eyelids flip inside out, fire shoots out of your vagina, and your toenails grow to exponential pterodactyl lengths. You’re at his throat, scratching his jugular with your toes until you’re satisfied enough with the human carnage you’ve turned him into.

“No worries there either, Memaw. Unlike you, I don’t plan on partaking in anal orgies in my twenties like I’m sure you did. Things will keep tight, which is more than I can say for the wild roast beef that sits between your wrinkly thighs.”

I only stopped cuddling the cardboard because a store clerk asked me kindly to stop fondling Colin’s crotch in front of the children. In my defense, the ribbed cardboard felt nice against my fingers.

If my vagina could cough, it would cough up a cobweb and a note that read: “Just pick a dick and get on with it. A girl needs her salami every once in a while.” “You’re

my mom, who told me boys who pick on me actually like me. A part of that was true, what she failed to mention was that they also break you in half, leaving you to pick up the pieces on your own.

why we’re friends, we feed off each other’s emotions. You always feel so much better about yourself when your friend gets angry with you rather than trying to solve the problem. Sometimes, you just have to bitch.

I will forever be hers, no matter where her life leads her without me.

In its prime, your mom used to call it the hammer because it would nail her to the bed in ecstasy.”

because I have to deal with my uterus committing suicide every month, I should be able to have girly moments.

I fell in love with my best friend’s little sister – there’s no denying it. I’ve loved her for years.

Women weren’t put on this earth to please us nor serve us. Women were formed to be companions, partners in crime, and compasses to guide us through right and wrong. They are here to be our rock, our best friend, and the one person we turn to in good times and bad.”

My love for Marley is strong enough for me to let her go; too bad my heart is still battered and bruised from the first time I said goodbye.

“My problem? Well, I’m in love with your daughter, the kind of love that consumes you to the point of not being able to function, um, she hates me, and we live three thousand miles apart.”