The Princess Diarist

by Carrie Fisher

I had never been Princess Leia before and now I would be her forever. I would never not be Princess Leia. I had no idea how profoundly true that was and how long forever was.

Why did all these men find it so easy to be in love with me then and so complex to be in love with me now?

Bottom line, not only am I not a liar, I’m not even an exaggerator. If anything, I like to dial things down a bit so everything doesn’t come off as a drag queen line dance at Mardi Gras. Do I at times wish I’d had a calmer, wiser, and more manageable sort of existence? One that even at times included pauses and yawning? Absolutely. But then who would I be?

Back then I was always looking ahead to who I wanted to be versus who I didn’t realize I already was, and the wished-for me was most likely based on who other people seemed to be and the desire to have the same effect on others that they had had on me.