The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don't Have with People You Don't Like Doing Things You Don't Want to Do (A No F*cks Given Guide Book 1)

by Sarah Knight

I was almost thirty years old when I began to realize it was possible to stop giving so many fucks, but I was nearly forty before I figured out how to make it happen on a grand scale.

That’s when I realized… it’s not really about the socks, is it?

When it comes to how your fuck-giving affects other people, all you can control is your behavior with regard to their feelings, not their opinions.

In service to the NotSorry Method, I have devised Four Categories of Potential Fuck-Giving: Things Work Friends, Acquaintances, and Strangers Family

I can tell you that starting with Family spells doom. I mean, Family is a fucking minefield. It is, no question, the hardest thing to stop giving a fuck about. For one, there is a sense of obligation when it comes to family, which supersedes even feelings and opinions. This is why I recommend adding Obligations to the list of Things to potentially not give a fuck about, thereby determining your feelings about obligation before you get to a particular relative, family-related event, or memento.

Honestly? Nobody cares if you’re there anyway; you’re kind of standoffish.

Now that my friends know the truth, I feel Liberated with a capital L. I was honest and polite, and nobody’s feelings got hurt so I didn’t have to apologize. I was quite literally not sorry.

“I have a personal policy against _______________, because if I _______________ one, I feel like I have to _______________ them all. I just can’t afford it, and if I had to choose, I wouldn’t want anyone I love to think I value them more or less than anyone else.”

Personal policies are definitely the way to go in this scenario. They are mysterious and they tend to make people a little bit uncomfortable and really shut down the conversation. Like Kanye. And the even better thing about developing a personal policy is that it’s your policy, so you can amend it or suspend it whenever you want—and nobody wants to argue with you because they’re afraid of hurting your feelings! That’s some real ninja shit right there. Mr. Miyagi would be proud.

“It’s about a funneling of fucks, really. All of my fucks have been funneled toward my child. I have none left over for you or for how you do it.”

One mother responded from the perspective of teaching her own kids what to give a fuck about: “As someone who grew up in a household full of guilt, I think it’s important for our kids to know that they can make decisions about what to care about, and that they don’t need to pay attention to the approval or condescension of other people in deciding how to live their lives.”

Solid advice.

But when it comes to Category Three strangers (and even the occasional acquaintances), I gotta tell you: sometimes you just can’t worry about whose feelings are getting hurt in pursuit of living your best life.

When other women pee on the seat. These monsters deserve to be actively shamed. My Fuck Budget does not account for time spent gingerly wiping off your urine before I can sit on a public toilet, and I am too short to squat effectively. I will follow you back out into that bar/stadium/conference room/banquet hall and I will give you a stern talking-to, yes, I will.

Like the IRS, your family exists to fuck with you.

One of the central tenets of fuck-giving is choice over obligation. You want to be able to choose how to spend your time, energy, and money so that you maximize the enjoyment of any given relationship, task, product, or event. Things you can control vs. things you can’t.

And as we all know, you don’t get to choose your family. So at the very least, you should get to choose how and why you interact with them. Right? Right?!?

An agreeable fluttering in the chest or groin? Joy! Let your magic marker pass over these items like the Angel of Death passed over the firstborn sons of Israel.

As your black marker hovers over those that annoy, touches down, and inscribes decisive strokes through the fucks you’re about to stop giving, you should utter a quiet, ceremonial “Fuck you” to each and every one.