The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don't Have with People You Don't Like Doing Things You Don't Want to Do (A No F*cks Given Guide Book 1)

by Sarah Knight

Does it annoy? If so, you need to stop giving a fuck, posthaste.

I’ve developed a program for decluttering and reorganizing your mental space by not giving a fuck, wherein not giving a fuck means not spending time, energy, and/or money on things that neither make you happy nor improve your life (annoy), so that you have more time, energy, and/or money to devote to the things that do (bring joy).

You may not realize it, but the number of fucks you personally have to give is a finite and precious commodity.

You should give a fuck if something—be it human, inanimate, or conceptual—does not annoy and does bring you joy.

Most people give away their fucks without much thought. Feelings of guilt, obligation, or anxiety cause them to behave in a manner that, while least objectionable to other people, is often detrimental to their own levels of annoy vs. joy.

stop saying yes right away to please others and, instead, take a moment to question not only whether you give a fuck (i.e., care) about the matter at hand but whether it deserves a fuck (i.e., your time, energy, and/or money) given to it

Not giving a fuck means taking care of yourself first—like affixing your own oxygen mask before helping others.

Not giving a fuck means allowing yourself to say no. I don’t want to. I don’t have time. I can’t afford it.

Not giving a fuck—crucially—means releasing yourself from the worry, anxiety, fear, and guilt associated with saying no, allowing you to stop spending time you don’t have with people...

Not giving a fuck means reducing mental clutter and eliminating annoying people and things from your life, freeing up space to truly enjoy all...

This might sound selfish, and it is. But it also creates a better world for everyone around you. You’ll stop worrying about all the things you have to do and ...

What you can do is find your way back to that magical equilibrium where the burden of adulthood is lifted by embracing the childlike zest of not giving a fuck.

At the heart of the NotSorry Method is “not being an asshole.”

Believing that you have any control over what other people think—and wasting your fucks on that pursuit—is futile. It is a recipe for failure on a grand fucking scale.

When it comes to how your fuck-giving affects other people, all you can control is your behavior with regard to their feelings, not their opinions.

There are two reasons you tend to give a fuck about what other people think: one, because you don’t want to be a bad person, and two, because you don’t want to look like a bad person.

As humans, we have every right to politely disagree with or not share someone else’s opinion.

You can sidestep the prospect of hurt feelings entirely when you view your conflict through the lens of simple, emotionless opinion.

So the next time this type of thing comes up, just gaze calmly at Stacey, shrug your shoulders, and say, “I know, I know, everybody has an opinion!” Then change the subject to neutral territory,

Your time, energy, and/or money spent should result in greater joy for you.

The life-changing magic of not giving a fuck is all about prioritizing. Joy over annoy. Choice over obligation. Opinions vs. feelings. Sticking to a budget.

you must first stop giving a fuck about what other people think, before you can move on to not giving a fuck about the matter at hand.

So in studying my list, I realize that I do get joy from vacation planning and writing this book, while the prospects of a Trump presidency and a rainy forecast are not only annoying, but are also things I can’t control. Therefore, I should give my fucks to the former two and get ready to sweep the latter two out of my barn like a couple of piles of rotting hay and calcified horse manure.

The point is, you can only control how WELL you do your job, and how MUCH time and energy you put into it to minimize annoy and maximize joy.

What you can control—by giving your fucks to the aspects of your job that make you damn good at it—is whether you are worthy of others’ respect.

if doing a good job means spending more fucks on getting shit done and fewer on whether people like you while you’re getting it done, then you’ve escaped the Likability Vortex and the fucknado that comes with it.

You need to articulate your fucks to yourself—by touring your mental barn and making your lists and considering your Fuck Budget—before it comes to hurting anyone’s feelings in real time. Then, act accordingly.

“I have a personal policy against _______________, because if I _______________ one, I feel like I have to _______________ them all. I just can’t afford it, and if I had to choose, I wouldn’t want anyone I love to think I value them more or less than anyone else.”

I gotta tell you: sometimes you just can’t worry about whose feelings are getting hurt in pursuit of living your best life.

Not giving a fuck—and reserving your fucks for what’s really important to you—is an evolving process.

Like the IRS, your family exists to fuck with you.

a certain percentage of your fucks go straight to Family.

Once you feel guilty, you have already failed at not giving a fuck.

Not giving a fuck should always result in greater pleasure, satisfaction, and happiness.

One of the central tenets of fuck-giving is choice over obligation. You want to be able to choose how to spend your time, energy, and money so that you maximize the enjoyment of any given relationship, task, product, or event.

The power of honesty cannot be overrated. I can’t tell you how many more fucks you wind up giving when you try to beat around the bush.

It is important not to confuse this unfamiliar feeling of freedom with feelings of regret or shame.

Honesty is usually the best policy when not giving a fuck.

Not hurting people’s feelings and not getting caught in a lie is the purest form of NotSorry. You have nothing to agonize over or apologize for.

the first thing people tend to get back when they put their fucks in order is TIME.

by not giving a fuck to all the wrong things, and conserving your fucks for the ones that make you happy, you stand to gain the kind of freedom that some people might even describe as… dare I say… “soul-affirming.”

Rather than letting that bad juju consume you like a lady praying mantis consumes her lover after sex, just try… not giving a fuck. Say to yourself, It’s just not worth it, and move on.