Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

by Al-Anon Family Groups

it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let us down.

A more compassionate way to respond to those I love might be to allow them to face the consequences of their actions, even when it will cause them pain.

Do I resent what I am doing? If so, is it really a loving choice?

Sometimes the most compassionate thing I can do is to let others take responsibility for their behavior.

Today I will remember that I have choices, and so does the alcoholic. I will make the best choices I can and allow others in my life to do the same without interference.

I care enough about myself to take a quiet half hour to relax. But if a half hour is more than I can manage, I can let that be all right. Whatever time I give to myself will be a step forward. If I can stop the wheels from turning for even a few moments, my Higher Power can take charge and steer me in the right direction.

When I fully understood how powerless I was over the situation, I was able to trust that the alcoholic has her own Higher Power and that, together, they can work out her future.

Replace “alcoholic” with “addict”

I care about the alcoholic in my life more than I can say. I wish her health, happiness, and sobriety, but I cannot hand these things to her. She and her Higher Power are in charge of that. I can only love her, and when I stop to think about it, that is enough.

When I sense that a situation is dangerous to my physical, mental, or spiritual well-being, I can put extra distance between myself and the situation. Sometimes this means that I don’t get too emotionally involved in a problem; sometimes I may physically leave the room or end a conversation. And sometimes I try to put spiritual space between myself and another person’s alcoholism or behavior.

By letting go of this battle we were sure to lose, we became free.