Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

by Al-Anon Family Groups

I equated humility with taking care of others and ignoring my own feelings and needs.

I begin to learn humility when I take the First Step.

In other words, I begin to learn about what is, and is not, my responsibility.

“Deep down I had the nagging knowledge that there would be no real relief from myself until I could bring my problem out in the open and talk to somebody else about it . . .”

“Patience is the key to paradise.” Turkish proverb

“When we talk of tomorrow,” says a Chinese proverb, “the gods laugh.” They laugh, I believe, not because they find us ridiculous, but because they know the future is not predictable. Thus we have no choice but to live one day at a time.

My worst fears about tomorrow need not affect this day. By letting them go, I am free to grow. What bad habit can I change today? What fear can I face? What joy can I acknowledge? What good fortune, no matter how modest, can I celebrate? All I have is today. Let me make today the most fully alive day I have ever experienced. “Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself.”

Today’s Reminder The Chinese word for crisis is written with two characters. The first stands for danger, and the second for opportunity. I will look for the good hidden within everything I encounter. “There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.” Richard Bach

Like alcoholism, obsessive thinking can be too much to handle. My best

I am learning to pay attention to my thinking. If there is something I cannot contemplate without becoming obsessed, I will respect that fact and act accordingly.

True humility should never be humiliating.

“I want to grow in my willingness to make room in my life for good times, having faith in their arrival and patience in my anticipation.” Living with Sobriety

“I am not afraid of storms

for I am learning how to sail my ship.” Louisa May Alcott

“The question is not what a man can scorn, or disparage, or find fault with, but what he can love, and value, and appreciate.” John Ruskin

“An expectation is a premeditated resentment.”

I have the right to choose my own standards of conduct, but I do not have the right or the power to impose those standards on others. “I have accepted myself and I’m beginning to accept other people the way they are each day. Now I have fewer resentments.”

“Look within! . . . The secret is inside you.” Hui-neng

“It does not matter how slowly you go So long as you do not stop.” Confucius

“The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are.” John Burroughs

On this new day, let me quietly reflect and search out any negative feelings that are left over from yesterday. Old resentments will interfere with my serenity today. Perhaps it is time to let them go. “Each day, each new moment can be an opportunity to clear the air and start again,

fresh and free.”

“Detachment did not mean disinterest . . .. I considered detachment ‘respect for another’s personhood.’” Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism

“God seldom delivers . . . virtues all wrapped in a package and ready for use. Rather He puts us in situations where by His help we can develop those virtues.” C.R. Findley

“Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My life is too important to waste waiting for someone else’s choices, even when it’s someone I dearly love.

“God meets me where I am . . .. If I am just willing, He will come to me.”

For those of us who have negative, self-critical thoughts running through our heads all day long, we can make an extra effort to counteract them with positive thoughts. For

list five or ten things about our day that we have a right to feel good about before we go to sleep.

“Ever’thing there is but lovin’ leaves a rust on yo’ soul.”

“When I stopped dwelling on how things would probably work out, I was better able to pay attention to what I was doing.”

For me, detachment is the freedom to own what is mine and to allow others to own what is theirs.

believe that the degree of our humanity can be measured by our ability to know another person’s pain and joy.

“Love your neighbor, yet pull not down your

hedge.” George Herbert

“Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; . . . to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive . .

“The mind grows by what it feeds on.” Josiah G. Holland

A great deal can be learned as a result of painful circumstances, but they are not my only teachers. I live in a world full of wonders. Today I will pay attention to their gentle wisdom. “I discovered the secret of the sea in meditation upon a dewdrop.”

Kahlil Gibran

I can’t cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life. “If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.” Henry David Thoreau

The problem is not that I get angry, but that I do not know how to direct my anger appropriately.

Feeling our feelings is one important part of the recovery process. Learning how to balance feelings with appropriate action is another.

“When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, an hundred.” Thomas Jefferson

“Look to this Day! For it is Life, the very Life of Life.” From the Sanskrit Salutation of the Dawn

“Let me remember that the reason for making amends is to free my own mind of uneasiness.”

“Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins.” Sioux Indian prayer

would never ask someone I loved to go without rest, never letting up, and never having any fun.

“The harder we try to catch hold of the moment, to seize a pleasant sensation . . ., the

more elusive it becomes . . .. It is like trying to clutch water in one’s hands—the harder one grips, the faster it slips through one’s fingers.” Alan Watts

will remind myself . . . that I am powerless over anyone else, that I can live no life but my own. Changing myself for the better is the only way I can find peace and serenity.”