Why We Love the Way We Do

by Preeti Shenoy

The rules of a relationship are simple. If you like them, let them know. If they say no, let them go.

‘Marriage is a risk that you take, hoping you will grow together as individuals.’ Twenty years down the line, they might find that the pace of growth of both people and the trajectory their paths have taken aren’t congruent at all. The couple may find that they are strangers living under the same roof. But that comes later. I think for every marriage to have a chance of success there has to be a certain amount of compatibility and similar interests to begin with.

Being in love is great, but research shows that it is not possible to sustain the same level of passion for extended periods of time without burning out. We have to remember that love is a trap that nature sets to get us to reproduce. When you first fall in love, it’s oxytocin at work. Oxytocin is the ‘cuddle hormone’ that plays a great role in maternal bonding and sex. When you are under its spell, Mr Average-okay-guy becomes Mr Amazingly-perfect-cute-funny-charming guy. It takes at least two years of living together or a baby—whichever is earlier—for its effect to diminish. Be clinical and analyse if you share the same values and have the same attitude to life. How important is money to you and to him? What about a sense of humour? Do you both find the same things funny? What about common interests? Do you both like books, sports, movies, watching television? How important is physical fitness to you? To him? After about four or five years of marriage, these are the things that will sustain you. What is his attitude towards pets? Is one of you an animal lover, and the other thinks that the best place for animals is in a zoo? If so, at some point of time, you are going to have a problem, unless you decide in advance that there will be no place for pets in your home, for life.