When I am confronted with my frequent failures in love, my first instinct has always been to try harder. I recognize the poverty of my love. I recall how love is the single most important criterion of my spiritual transformation. I feel regret and discouragement. I pray for help in being more loving. I try harder. And nothing changes. The reason nothing changes is that the focus is still on me—my failures, my remorse, my discouragement, my effort. Love requires leaving all of this behind—all my self-preoccupation and all my willful striving. Love cannot be simply a result of discipline and
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