The Happiness Project

by Gretchen Rubin

For my physical energy: I needed to make sure that I got enough sleep and enough exercise. Although I’d already known that sleep and exercise were important to good health, I’d been surprised to learn that happiness—which can seem like a complex, lofty, and intangible goal—was quite influenced by these straightforward habits.

Although people adjust to feeling sleepy, sleep deprivation impairs memory, weakens the immune system, slows metabolism, and might, some studies suggest, foster weight gain.

My new, not-exactly-startling resolution for getting more sleep was to turn off the light.

“Near your bedtime, don’t do any work that requires alert thinking. Keep your

bedroom slightly chilly. Do a few prebed stretches. Also—this is important—because light confuses the body’s circadian clock, keep the lights low around bedtime, say, if you go to the bathroom. Also, make sure your room is very dark when the lights are out. Like a hotel room.”

There’s evidence that too little blood flow to the extremities can keep you awake, so if my feet were cold, I put on wool socks—which,

Two of my most useful getting-to-sleep strategies were my own invention. First, I tried to get ready for bed well before bedtime.

Among other benefits, people who exercise are healthier, think more clearly, sleep better, and have delayed onset of dementia. Regular exercise boosts energy levels; although some people assume that working out is tiring, in fact, it boosts energy, especially in sedentary people—of whom there are many.

Lifting weights increases muscle mass, strengthens bones, firms the core, and—I admit, most important to me—improves shape. People who work out with weights maintain more muscle and gain less fat as they age.

The repetitive activity of walking, studies show, triggers the body’s relaxation response and so helps reduce

stress; at the same time, even a quick ten-minute walk provides an immediate energy boost and improves mood—in fact, exercise is an effective way to snap out of a funk.

Also, I kept reading that, as a minimum of activity for good health, people should aim to take 10,000 steps a day—a number that also reportedl...

Walking had an added benefit: it helped me to think. Nietzsche wrote, “All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking,” and his observation is backed up by science; exercise-induced brain chemicals help people think clearly.

It’s a Secret of Adulthood: if you can’t find something, clean up.

I didn’t postpone any task that could be done in less than one minute. I put away my umbrella; I filed a document; I put the newspapers in the recycling bin; I closed the cabinet door. These steps took just a few moments, but the cumulative impact was impressive.

An important aspect of happiness is managing your moods, and studies show that one of the best ways to lift your mood is to engineer an easy success, such as tackling a long-delayed chore.

“It is by studying little things,” wrote Samuel Johnson, “that we attain the great art of having as little misery, and as much happiness as possible.”

A line by G. K. Chesterton echoed in my head: “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light”

“What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.”

We hugged—for at least six seconds, which, I happened to know from my research, is the minimum time necessary to

promote the flow of oxytocin and serotonin, mood-boosting chemicals that promote bonding.

I’ve never forgotten something I read in college, by Pierre Reverdy: “There is no love; there are only proofs of love.” Whatever love I might feel in my heart, others will see only my actions.

One of the great joys of falling in love is the feeling that the most extraordinary person in the entire world has chosen you.

“My Quaker grandparents, who were married seventy-two years, said that each married couple should have an outdoor game, like tennis or golf, and an indoor game, like Scrabble or gin, that they play together.”

“Happiness,” wrote Yeats, “is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.”

The First Splendid Truth: To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

When you give up expecting a spouse to change (within reason), you lessen anger and resentment, and that creates a more loving atmosphere in a marriage.

have an idea of who I wish I were, and that obscures my understanding of who I actually am.

If you do new things—visit a museum for the first time, learn a new game, travel

to a new place, meet new people—you’re more apt to feel happy than people who stick to more familiar activities.

One reason that challenge brings happiness is that it allows you to expand your self-definition.

Research shows that the more elements make up your identity, the less threatening it is when any one element is threatened.

Also, a new identity brings you into contact with new people and new experiences, which are also powerful sources of happiness.

I

remembered the words of Robert Browning: “Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?”

To counteract this fear, I told myself, “I enjoy the...

I often had the immature and counterproductive impulse to pretend to know

things that I didn’t know.

small efforts, made consistently, brought significant results. I felt more in control of my workload.

At a party at someone’s house, I smelled a scent so lovely that I walked around the room sniffing until I found the source: a Jo Malone Orange Blossom candle.

If you’re doing something that you don’t enjoy and you don’t have the gratification of success, failure is particularly painful.

The days are long, but the years are short.

we should acknowledge the reality of people’s feelings. In other words, don’t deny feelings such as anger, irritation, fear, or reluctance; instead, articulate the feeling and the other person’s point of view.

Experts say that denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return.

a quotation from Lewis’s brilliant essay “On Three Ways of Writing for Children”: When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.

Studies show that each common interest between people boosts the chances of a lasting relationship and also brings about a 2 percent increase in life satisfaction.

Group membership makes people feel closer and brings a significant boost in personal confidence and happiness.

Having some kind of physical way of preserving information keeps good ideas vivid and creates unexpected juxtapositions.

Taking the time to be silly means that we’re infecting one another with good cheer, and people who enjoy silliness are one third more likely to be happy.

One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.