The Diva Rules

by Michelle Visage

The next time I saw Michelle, she was being escorted across the dance floor

skintight gown that allowed her to only take tiny, deliberate steps, giving everyone watching enough time to soak in all the glamour.

Watching Michelle tiptoe across that dance floor became one of those mental GIFS that my mind collected for no apparent reason at the time, but would later prove to be a valuable piece of a much bigger puzzle.

smart, funny and irreverent

That meeting was yet another clue that this girl was someone who would eventually play a huge part in my life.

Le caméléon brillante.

be a continuation of the laugh riot

natural chemistry on-air

Being charismatic, articulate, and absolutely gorgeous enabled Michelle to navigate easily between the two mediums. She’s also naturally inquisitive and eerily perceptive. Nothing at all slips by this woman.

she’s a compassionate defender of the disenfranchised.

Her X-ray eyes can see through to the core, and dissect any issue the way only an outsider can. She’s the first to recognize when “the Emperor has no clothes on.”

She’s my friend, my business partner and she is someone I admire very much. I love this woman, and in reading this book, I know that you will fall in love with her too. —RUPAUL

then maybe, like many of the queens on the show, you might even fear me a little bit, but don’t be scared. Please.

I may be a proud no-nonsense bitch who will always call you on your bullshit when I see it, but it comes from a place of love, respect, and admiration.

I’m all about bei...

I’m here for one thing and one thing only: To help you ac...

because here’s the thing: You already have what it takes to be the star of your own life. You already are fabulous. I can’t give that to you.

We start to harbor shame for who we are (or who we want to be). And before long, that twinkle in our eyes starts to fade.

Remember this: the journey is not always going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

Bitchiness comes from a place of insecurity, but being a diva comes from a place of strength and love.

When you’re a diva, you know deep down, regardless of what anyone else says about you, that you’re beautiful.

Tough love, yes, but it’s still love, because unlike with a nasty bitch, other people’s success and happiness do not threaten us. They inspire us. There’s always room for more joy for me, for you, for everyone.

You already know—or at least you know you’re supposed to know—that beauty comes from the inside, but to be a diva, you’ve got to get to the point where you actually unquestioningly believe that.

An ugly personality always trumps a beautiful face.

it is that very difference that will make you beautiful.

I was never exactly “normal”, which meant I never felt like I really belonged.

She was a kind and passionate woman who wasn’t afraid to use her voice.

picked up one of my first-ever catchphrases: “Damn dog.” I

They spent many disappointing years trying to conceive and finally decided to adopt. I was the lucky baby they plucked out of a foster home.

From the moment they took me in, when I was just about three months old, I was theirs and they were mine.

we hugged, but it wasn’t this grand moment where the heavens above opened and a beam of light shone upon us.

We had no mother/daughter connection at all—zero—because I already had a mom.

didn’t feel anything but grateful—grateful to know where I’d come from and grateful to be able ...

I wanted to feel that free, that powerful. She made me feel like, for the first time, it was OK to be myself.

my self-styled hair-don’t,

I know how frustrating it can be when you don’t even know where to start, or can’t even get your foot in the door for an interview, an audition, a date, whatever. But, repeat after me: Do. Not. Give. Up. Put yourself out there:

because I know in my heart what it feels like to be completely surrounded by people and yet still feel lonely.

I know that ache.

If you’re not liking the people around you, it’s up to you to change your surroundings and find new people. And keep an open mind, because you n...

Cesar Valentino, the now-famous choreographer, who became not only my dance mentor but also one of my best friends; and Willi Ninja, who, upon his death in 2006, would be called “The Grandfather of Vogue” by the New York Times.

I’m not lying when I tell you this: I never lost a single battle. Never. I ruled those competitions, and eventually I was featured on the nightly news and won a dance contest with Cesar on a TV show called The Latin Connection, where we introduced Vogueing to America (and also, I guess, to Madonna, but that’s another story).

Cesar, Willi, David, and my other friend, Max, introduced me not only to a new kind of dance but also to a world unlike any I’d ever known.

piers that dotted the Hudson River in the West Village. The pier culture was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life, and it’s where I learned everything I know about gay culture and gay history.

Mother Angie Xtravaganza,

Most of these kids came from nothing. Many were homeless, not by cruel acts of God but by crueler acts of their parents (or, more often, parent or maybe just grandmoth...

no money to speak of (and despite the growing AIDS crisis), many would turn tricks in order to get by—and...

If you haven’t found your home yet, know that you do have one out there. You just have to look for it. You have to put yourself out there in order to make new friends, and that can be scary, but there’s no getting around it.

Act the way you’d like your friends to act, and I promise they will come to you and you will find the love you deserve.

The Magnifiques, and my BFF/mentor Cesar, was the father of the house.

The Xtravaganzas,