The Problem with Forever

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Miss Becky had said once that he was only six months older than her six years, but he always seemed so much bigger, older than her, because in her eyes, he took up her entire world.

They saved so many lives, but couldn’t save the one that meant the most.

I thought about the boy who made my chest hurt, the one who’d promised forever.

Eyes that were brown with tiny flecks of gold met mine. Eyes I’d never forgotten.

“I just never thought I’d get to see how beautiful you’d become.”

Words were not the enemy or the monster under my bed, but they held such power over me. They were like the ghost of a loved one, forever haunting me.

“I don’t like seeing you hurt now any better than I did back then.”

Don’t make a sound.

Here but not. Existing but not living.

People show you what they want you to see. You have to remember that.”

“You have the power over that. People can say crap. They can think whatever they want, but you control how you feel about it.”

I was safe now, but the past…the past wasn’t. It never would be, and it would be haunting me forever.

I forgot about everything. Because it wasn’t that important. Something else was. Living life was.

Like she knew Rider and I wouldn’t last. We wouldn’t be forever.

He’d promised he’d be there for me for forever. But I was of the mind that there were two types of forever. The good kind. The bad kind.

“Nothing lasts forever, Mouse.”

Rider had said nothing lasted forever, but some things, some scars, ran too deep to ever fade away.

had all of these things because of the second chance I’d been given. I thought about all the people who would never have the privilege of a second chance at anything. I was lucky.

This wasn’t happening. These kinds of things didn’t happen in broad daylight. They didn’t happen right in front of me. They didn’t happen to someone I knew. They didn’t… Those thoughts were so stupid, because it did happen.

“You’ve given up on yourself before anyone else has a chance to.”

And it was knowing that I could still be…still be afraid of everything, but not letting that fear stop me from living.

Forever was something we all took for granted, but the problem with forever was that it really didn’t exist.

I stopped. Everything stopped.

because how in the world could I fight for him when he wouldn’t even fight for himself?

I remembered him ranting once about how if someone coughed, they were given time off from work, but if someone was mentally fatigued, they were expected to suck it up.

My past was a part of me and it molded who I was today, but it was not the sum of who I was to become. It did not control me.

and all I needed to remember when I felt like not trying was that that feeling wouldn’t last forever.

Forever wasn’t a problem. Forever was my heartbeat and it was the hope tomorrow held. Forever was the glistening silver lining of every dark cloud, no matter how heavy and thick it was. Forever was knowing moments of weakness didn’t equate to an eternity of them. Forever was knowing that I was strong. Forever was Carl and Rosa, Ainsley and Keira, Hector and Rider. Jayden would always be a part of my forever. Forever was the fire-breathing dragon inside me that had shed the fear like a snake shedding skin. Forever was simply a promise of more. Forever was a work in progress. And I couldn’t wait for forever.