Perfectly Imperfect

by Harper Sloan

I came into this world as a bastard and the world would probably be better off if I went out the same way.

SELF-LOATHING IS A DISEASE. Okay, so maybe not a real disease, but it should be classified as such.

You see what your mind wants you to see. Remember that.

It isn’t that I’m a weak person. I’m a product of self-destruction, or so my therapist tells me. I’m a battlefield of strength versus weakness and reality versus my own mind. I don’t look in the mirror and hate myself because I’m weak. No, I hate myself because even though my clothes and the scale tell me one thing, I can’t see it. It takes all the strength a person can muster to continue fighting his or her own self-image. Fighting to find their way back from the damage they’ve done to themselves physically and mentally.

I was my own martyr. I stayed because, in a sense, I believed I deserved it.

Today, I choose to be a better me. One who doesn’t hate herself. One who isn’t so self-conscious of everyone around her. Today, I choose strength. I just pray the daily battle warring inside of me makes that choice possible.

Is it too much to ask to see someone, anyone, who doesn’t look like they were made from a mold?

I’ve yet to meet a man who could see Poison Ivy for the evil human being that she is.

I go big when my crazy surfaces.

My dad always said the best way to learn what a woman wants is to pick up some of the smut they love to read so much. Written by a woman, it might as well be a road map to instant pleasure.

You act like I’m the only person who uses a little ass cream on my face.”

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you that life starts at the end of your comfort zone? When you break free of the fears that have held you back, you’re going to be free to fly, and that, honey, is when you’re going to find the happiness you deserve. But you have to start somewhere. You have to push that fear aside and just wing it—trusting you will never be alone should you fall.”

Promise me that you’ll try and look over those walls you’ve trapped yourself inside.”

“You could light a fire with the amount of heat you two are sparking.”

“The point is to show that someone, regardless of their age, can make the decision for themselves and thrive instead of fail when faced with adversity.”

She has to be able to show others the hope they need is within themselves and that you are stronger than fear tries to trick you into believing.

Hesitation is a dangerous thing. It hints that something is hiding when you take that pause.

I’m a starved man, and you’re the meal I’ve been fantasizing about.”