How to Analyze People: Analyze & Read People with Human Psychology, Body Language, and the 6 Human Needs (How to Analyze People 101)

by Michael Draper

“Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.” – Stephen R. Covey

Steiner states that obeying these five rules, called ‘the stroke economy’, will lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness, as well as disapproval in social contexts. They are enforced internally by the inner critical parent whom we see in the discussion of transactional analysis above.

Don’t give strokes you would like to give. You pass someone you don’t know well and you think they’re really beautiful, but you don’t say anything for fear that they’ll think of you as a creep – only because it’s against the social conventions to complement a stranger.

Don’t ask for strokes you would like to receive. You’re feeling a bit down and could do with someone telling you that you’re valued and loved, but you don’t ask for it as that might come across as ‘needy’.

3. Don’t accept strokes you would like to accept. Someone compliments you by saying ‘You look fabulous today!’ and you feel embarrassed by this compliment and shrug it off as to agree would seem ‘arrogant’ according to social norms.

4. Don’t reject strokes you don’t want. Someone insults you and you just take it, rather than telling them that whatever they insulted you with is not true, as your self-esteem is low.

5. Don’t give yourself strokes. This is when you fail to tell yourself that you are valuable, worthwhile, beautiful, and that you love yourself. When you’re simply hard on yourself and never take the time to celebrate and be grateful for what you have gone through and have achieved to date.

Give the strokes you want to give. Don’t live in fear that giving positivity to others will leave you vulnerable: tell that girl that you think she’s beautiful; smile at strangers; hug your family and tell them you love them.

2. Ask for strokes you want. Don’t spend your time hoping for positivity from others and then getting frustrated that you don’t get it: tell your partner that you’re feeling upset and could use a hug and some extra care; ask your colleague at work if he thinks you’ve done a good job; tell your mom or dad that your self-esteem is low and you could use some support with it.

3. Accept the strokes you want. Don’t feel like accepting something positive from others weakens you, or means that you’re arrogant: enjoy it when someone compliments you; allow people to help you when life gets tough instead of pushing them away; don’t be embarrassed by affection, bask in it instead and appreciate it.

4. Reject strokes you don’t want. Remember that strokes can be both positive and negative: assertively tell the creep that smacks your butt that it’s not acceptable; don’t give passive-aggressive interactions the time of day; speak your mind about things with confidence but without anger.

Give yourself strokes. Keep in mind that the person in the best position to give you what you need to flourish in life is you; treat yourself well, physically and emotionally; choose relationships that nourish you; tell yourself that you’re great. Learn to truly love and respect yourself and others will do the same for you.