The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame

by Pete Walker

compulsive busyness robs us of much of this genius by creating a tension that inhibits our fluidity and grace of movement. Grieving releases this tension and heals the malady that afflicts so many adult children: the syndrome of dramatically fluctuating between the extremes of anxiety-driven hyperactivity and depression-induced listlessness.

move smoothly through the multifarious, enriching gradations of purposeful activity that lie between intense, healthy excitation and full relaxation.

often delighted by the irony that I actually accomplish more, qualitatively and quantitatively, as I increasingly free myself from the idolatry of deifying time-efficiency.

We do not decrease defended-ness by hating it and rooting it out, but by understanding how necessary it was to defend against our grief when healthy mourning was not possible.

Alcohol and other drug recovery is like dealing with a tiger in a cage. Recovery from eating disorders is like taking that tiger out of the cage three times a day and then taking it for a walk.

we need to be patient about our inevitable slips back into excess. Self-hatred about backsliding is usually counterproductive. Self-forgiveness and recommitment to moderation is typically much more effective.

Listening to your heart, finding out who you are, is not simple. It takes time for the chatter to quiet down. In the silence of “not doing” we begin to know what we feel. If we listen and hear what is being offered, then anything in life can be our guide. Listen.

Incessant negative self-analysis became a new way of distracting myself from feelings I hadn’t learned to tolerate. Compulsive “working on myself” degenerated into a revamped version of being driven by perfectionism.

I was still proceeding from the destructive childhood belief that I had to be completely “fixed” to become acceptable to myself. My overzealousness was fueled by unresolved self-hatred and self-rejection.

benefit greatly by guiding our recovery with the premise that we are already eminently de...

assigned his classes days of “endarkenment” to balance their marathon efforts at enlightenment. On those days students drank wine, ate sweets, danced, played games, told jokes and stories, and refused to focus on self-refinement.

We must be tender with ourselves to lessen our compulsiveness and sense of urgency. When we have mercy on ourselves, grieving tempers our pace and frees us from driven-ness,

More and more often, we are moved by the lyrics and melodies of a song, by the delicate changes of light and color born in the play of the clouds and sun, by the feeling of warmth that comes from being fully present with a friend.

Beginning my studies the first step pleas’d me so much The mere fact consciousness, these forms, the power of motion, The least insect or animal, the senses, eyesight, love, The first step I say awed me and pleas’d me so much, I have hardly gone and hardly wish’d to go any farther, But stop and loiter all the time to sing it in ecstatic song.

Crying