The Secret Language of Sisters

by Luanne Rice

“It’s going to be okay, Roo,” he said. “I’ve got you.” No, you don’t, I wanted to say. No one does. I’m alone and it’s horrible. Somehow he knew. He crouched down so he was eye level with me. I had to fight to stay alert, to see what he was trying to say with his eyes. I saw them asking me to relax, to trust him. “Beautiful girl,” he said. I’m quadriplegic and I’m bald! I wanted to scream. “So lovely and brilliant. I can’t wait to be able to talk to you. And this operation will allow it.” I don’t want it! Stop! Make everything go back to the way it was, make me whole, make me real again. I shouted with all I had. But then something weird happened—the longer I stared into his eyes, the more I saw the smile, the patience. He was waiting for me to calm down. He knew I was wrecked inside, and he was giving me a chance to pull it together. Will I die? I wanted to ask. “You’re going to wake up in a few hours,” he said. “And I’ll be right here with you. I am going to do everything I can for you. Everything. Okay?” I looked up. “Usually, I have my patients count backward from one hundred,” he said. “But I’m going to ask you to count the f-stops on your camera, all right?” I tried to look up in assent, but I was so drowsy. “I’ll see you when you wake up,” he said. “And no more Dr. Howarth. I want you to call me Tim.” Tim, I tried to say, forgetting my voice didn’t work, but the anesthesiologist had injected more and stronger drugs into my IV line, and I was out.

Some of this feels really creepy, like Dr. Howarth is in-genuine and lusting after her… or it’s completely innocent and I’m just reading into it. Still, at first, through Roo’s eyes, I thought I could trust him… but now that I’ve seen what Tilly sees in him, I can’t unsee it.