The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality

by Julie Sondra Decker

Secondary sexual attraction is more gradual, though not inherently a “different kind” of sexual attraction—it just happens under different circumstances. A partner starts to seem sexually appealing only after an emotional bond develops (not necessarily love), based on qualities that can’t be perceived through immediate observation of the subject without interaction. This can happen in conjunction with primary sexual attraction, combining with it, enhancing it. But some people only experience that slow, less reactionary rise of interest—they never experience primary or immediate sexual attraction and can’t feel attraction to strangers or celebrities they don’t know. Some people who only experience sexual attraction after developing a bond with someone find it useful to call themselves demisexual.