The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality

by Julie Sondra Decker

People who are not romantically attracted to others are called aromantic. They may stay single or pursue non-romantic partnerships of some kind; romantic partnerships aren’t the only kind of committed relationship. Aromantic folks are fairly common in asexual communities. While some romantic asexual people describe the interest in romance as a drive in and of itself—like a sex drive, a romantic drive can cause unattached people to wish for romantic partners and they may be romantically attracted to others—aromantic people don’t experience this. People who identify as aromantic might describe themselves in one of the following ways: • Having no romantic drive • Not finding anyone attractive in a romantic sense • Preferring singlehood • Being satisfied by close friendships • Not enjoying or relating to partnered life • Feeling a general romantic interest (“I wish I had a partner, that would feel nice”) but not actually finding anyone with whom they want a romance Asexual people aren’t the only orientation that can be aromantic; any sexual orientation might be romantically attracted to no one, and those who do pursue sexual relationships without romantic attraction are often shamed for it, so non-asexual aromantic folks face invisibility as well. Some people with perspectives along aromantic lines may prefer to identify as one of the gray areas of romantic orientation (discussed later in this chapter). Many aromantic people grow up completely perplexed by what the...