Wrong (Cafe, #1)

by Jana Aston

He could probably make me come one-handed while he finished a phone call on his cell with the other.

I have a lot of fantasies about Luke based on nothing more than pouring him a cup of coffee every Tuesday and ringing him up.

I watch him walk, free to eye-fuck him without being caught.

Are you going to put out and fuck Mike or not? You’ve made him wait like, a month? That’s a long time in horny college-boy time. Plus, you’re the oldest virgin on campus. Not even our campus. All the campuses.”

“It’s not my fault I dated a gay guy for two years.”

“Hello? Earth to delusional. You didn’t find it odd you were dating a twenty-year-old guy who never tried to stick his dick in you?”

“I thought he respected me, not that he was afraid of vaginas,”

Tall, dark and handsome looks like he’s packing a donkey dick.”

“I’m majoring in Professor Camden,”

Oh my God. My fantasy crush is a gynecologist. My gynecologist.

Damn him and his attractive fingers.

I’m already wondering if my future career will pay enough to cover the therapy I obviously need.

His fingers move to the gown covering me. Do not be turned on, do not be turned on, do not be turned on, I chant to myself.

I scoot to the end of the table and wonder if I’m wet enough for him to notice. Is there a normal amount of wet for this situation?

“So you just like college students or something? So you volunteer?” Oh, shit. I think I just accused him of being some kind of creep. I feel him pause. On my vagina. Because he’s touching my vagina as I accuse him of being into examining college girls. Help me.

It reminds me of the sound when they open the sterilized instrument pack while I’m getting a pedicure. Great. Now I’ll probably get turned on getting a pedicure. As if I need another fetish. I think being attracted to your gynecologist is enough fetish to last a lifetime.

My cervix looks great. Is that a gynecologist pickup line? I laugh internally.

I clench on his finger involuntarily and feel a small spasm ripple through me. Oh my god. I think I just had an orgasm. Holy shit. Did he notice? It was small. Maybe he didn’t notice.

“You’re a pervert,” I say to my reflection before sitting down to pull on my shoes.

Wait. Which socks am I wearing today? I pause, shoe in hand. The ones with the pink stripes around the top. I flip my foot. Classy. That’s what’s written on the bottom of my left foot. And on the bottom of my right foot? Bitch. I’m wearing my classy bitch socks. That I just flashed at Luke while my legs were spread. Can this appointment get any worse?

Did he just wish me good luck with getting laid?

“Hey, bitch, did you get laid at the doctor’s office? You look different.”

“Poor little college boy. Hot virgins sacrificing themselves on his cock.”

Maybe I went home with him last night. Maybe we’re just refueling in the midst of a twenty-four-hour fuck fest, Dr. Miller.

“I do not have a daddy fetish, you sick fuck!”

I’m not sure why you even gave me a bagful of condoms if you’re just going to cockblock me from using them.”

“I can’t believe I waxed for that jerk!”

“I hate to burst your gynecologist fetish bubble,

“I had to fight an erection when you came on my finger during the exam. That was a definite first for me Sophie.”

“Bitch, please. The guy is pushing forty and you’re a hot co-ed with a brand-new tight, shiny pussy. He’ll be back.”

“Well, look what the pussy dragged in.” Everly is smirking. “Everly, that’s not the saying. It’s ‘cat.’ ‘Look what the cat dragged in.’” “Oh, I think I’ve got the saying right. He’s here.”

“I’ve sucked cock before, Luke. I’m not that innocent.”

Heavy petting is bullshit when you’ve already ridden the bull.

Then he smacks my ass right in the middle of the aisle and asks what else we can buy at Target.

“Feds aren’t really her fetish, but I know a girl at school who’d be so into you,”

“I love you, Sophie,” he repeats and I grin. “Now get your ass back in bed so I can show you how much.”

There are about twenty definitions to the word okay when speaking to a woman.

“Would you prefer if I got answers from my girlfriends? ‘Hey, girls, Luke is hung like a donkey and he wants to put it in my ass. What should I expect?’”

“We are having anal. Jerk.” Luke smirks. “Did you just order me to violate your ass?” “I did and you will.”

“Let’s find something fun to bid on.” “We can bid on porn?”

Can I kill her with a lipstick tube? What else do I have in my clutch?

if you think I’m done talking about the chicken nugget in your uterus, you’re mistaken.”

Being an incubator is exhausting.

That hot son of a bitch wants me to have his baby.

“You’re going to distract our children with a movie so we can have sex? You’re so wrong.”