The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves

by Curt Thompson

Though we usually think of learning as the acquisition of knowledge, we also acquire knowledge for the power it grants us. But acquiring knowledge depends on admitting that we do not know many things, that we need help from others in order to learn. Learning, in fact, is a declaration of vulnerability. We think nothing of this as young children; in fact, we are completely unaware of it. As we grow older, however, we become more distressed. We fear in the future we will be found to not know enough, to have not worked hard enough, to have not scored well enough. We will not be enough. To admit in our culture that we do not have our lives neatly packaged and wrapped, that we are a mess, that we need help from someone else is tantamount to blasphemy. To admit that we do not know something, are not good at something or have made a mistake—to be vulnerably known—is not one of our best skill sets.