After a few weeks of meeting with them, it was clear that this family lived with the motto that you don’t have to be perfect, you simply have to do your best. As one of my college professors remarked, possibly one of the least helpful things a parent can tell his or her child is “We only expect you to do your best.” No one can do his or her best at everything, for no one has that much time or energy. Shame in this family did not show up as abuse or as a result of someone’s alcoholism. There was no divorce on the horizon. Rather, the subtle undercurrent of perfectionism had led to this sudden
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