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Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he or she treats a person who can do them absolutely no good. ANN LANDERS
simple, yet good-hearted decision to take the hit, learn the lessons, and release the pain you’re in, rather than to lay hurt down as your foundation and build a home there by acting out your wrath.
To the extent that I withdraw my attachment to what you did, I will no longer be affected by what you did. I have decided to put my faith elsewhere. That is the miracle of forgiveness.
The work is to continually shepherd yourself to higher ground. And this is where spiritual practice comes in. Certainly you will want to return again and again to the practice included in Step 2 for all resentments that crop up and threaten to consume you, as it will help you to keep the focus where it belongs right now—on yourself and your own transformation.
Try relating to your anger as the ferocious energy of change, and ask yourself what stand you can take that will quell the urgency of your rage. Anger begs us to make a powerful commitment to what we will or will not tolerate in our lives any longer, making it our best friend if we can turn it in the right direction.
ASK YOURSELF: “What victimized story am I willing to let go of and what can I take responsibility for in how I co-created this situation?”
“What is my anger demanding I change? What wants to wake up in me right now?”
“What amends to myself or others can I now make to bring completion to this situation?”
can make a promise to myself to never, ever again overgive as a way to try to prove my value.”
He felt chronically criticized, as though nothing he did was ever enough. And
For the Listener: Do your best to not interrupt the speaker, unless you are requesting more clarification about what he or she is saying. Allow your heart to genuinely be touched by what your former partner is sharing about their experience. Without explaining why you did what you did, or how the situation may have impacted you, place your attention fully on him or her and extend a sense of authentic care and concern for the impact your choices and actions had upon him or her.
Grief does not change you. It reveals you. JOHN GREEN
We want to get into the habit of asking ourselves: What am I generating by how I’m responding to the challenges we’re now facing? Hostility? Division? More stress? Or cohesion? Repair? Well-being? We all know that good relationships take time and care to build. Yet
No longer responsible for your partner’s happiness in life, I encourage you to give up being overly involved and grant your former partner the right to his or her own privacy and process. Yet,
It is an optimism that knows the worst of what can happen and yet chooses to affirm the overall goodness of life in the face of it.
Listen with depth and presence to someone who may be feeling more isolated and alone than you.
Having been consumed with the many crises brought about by the loss of love, you may not yet be fully aware of the beautiful life that is waiting for you on the other side of grief. And while your new life may look little like the one you left behind, your goal is not to try to create a better version of what you once had, but to expand what’s now possible to include fresh new horizons, friends, and interests—and the exploration of forgotten, yet promising possibilities.
True. Someone said H.O.P.E. .."hang on, pain ends"
Create cohesion and alignment with your community at large to ensure a supportive and nourishing environment in which to reinvent your life.
The best part of the worst thing in the world actually happening is that it liberates you to reimagine.
Remember
Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. NIDO QUBEIN
change in our relationship status. While we are soulmates and still love each other dearly, we both recognize that walking down the romantic path together is not our lifelong destiny. Sometimes, even with great love, getting all the relationship pieces to fall into place doesn’t always work out. Thus, with deep sorrow, we have decided to end the romantic leg of our journey. We are parting with gentleness and respect…celebrating the profound and rich lessons learned, and with gratitude for the amazing love and blessings shared too numerous to count. We’re dedicated to learning how to uncouple
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please remember that it’s in taking personal responsibility for the many ways you unconsciously conspired with your partner and co-created what happened that you’ll access the power you will need to create a different experience in the future.
Let us forget, with generosity, those who cannot love us. PABLO NERUDA
He called this kind of love philia: where one loves another for the person that he is, and not because he is useful to him in some way.
“You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.”
so do your best to keep your emotional and sexual boundaries clean. Rather than run to your former partner for comfort when you’re down, find new confidants. Don’t confide in him or her about the troubles you’re now having in your love life.
Remember.
The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything
I do not at all understand the mystery of grace—only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us. ANNE LAMOTT
Absolutely
For we are enriched by the opportunity to witness two people soberly acknowledging an end, while humbly asking for forgiveness, validating the beauty of their time spent together, and offering a sincere blessing of happiness to the person who has disappointed them the most.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. C. S. LEWIS
While we acknowledge the relationship’s shortcomings, we also recognize the overall sanctity of human relationships and choose to focus on the good that came of this union rather than dwell on the negative.
Most of all, in the midst of our pain, we strive to do the right thing for the right reasons, allowing our ethics to triumph over our emotions. We recognize the power we hold to consciously evolve our collective behavior at the end of love to be reflective of the kinder world we aspire to create for ourselves, our children, and future generations.
