shame differs from guilt in that guilt is something we’re more likely to feel when we violate our own core values, disturbed that something we have done is fundamentally bad and wrong. Shame is what we feel when violating external rules and expectations that society imposes upon us, and it leaves us feeling that we are fundamentally bad and wrong. When we feel vulnerable to the negative judgments of others because we believe they’re covertly assessing our “defects,” even if they do it ever so nicely and with pity in their eyes, we can easily slip into a deep, dark sea of shame.
