Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After

by Katherine Woodward Thomas

Making Amends to Yourself To help you evolve beyond being a victim, and start making amends to yourself, I invite you to take your journal and reflect upon the following questions: 1. Who Do You Resent and for What? Notice the resentments you’re holding toward your former partner (and anyone else involved in your breakup) and write them down. Don’t censor yourself, or try to talk yourself out of your suffering, anguish, and rage. Write it down as it lives in your body. For example: “The bastard ruined my life,” “The witch destroyed my capacity to ever trust anyone again,” “That thief stole my final childbearing years from me.” “I hate myself for sabotaging my chance for happiness.” 2. What Can You Take Responsibility for in Each Situation? Step back and shift your perspective. Recognizing that taking responsibility is not an admission that something is your fault, nor the condoning of bad behavior, look to see how you may have contributed to things happening the way they did. ASK YOURSELF: “In what ways did I give my power away to this person?” “Where might I have skipped over my own knowing, dismissed my feelings, or avoided telling the truth and/or asking for clarification?” “How was I trying to get someone to love, want, or approve of me more than I was attempting to make an authentic connection?” “Why didn’t I do what I knew I should have done that may have averted a bad experience, and what made me hesitate to do it?” “In what ways was I selfish, unkind, or even abusi...