Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After

by Katherine Woodward Thomas

Expectation has been called “the root of all heartache,” and certainly, failed expectations are often the root of deep confusion and inner chaos, as well. For our minds lose their footing when our reality doesn’t live up to the way we thought things should go.

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. ANDY WARHOL

Complicated Grief is described by the Mayo Clinic as a chronic, heightened state of mourning characterized by numbness, intense longing, irritability, purposelessness, depression, and a lack of trust in others. It’s being stuck in the quagmire of lingering regret, sorrow, and shame, with life as void of joy as it is of hope that things will ever get better.

Contrary to popular belief, time does not heal all wounds. We do. You want to treat your broken heart with the same amount of care that you might offer your broken leg. Imagine for a moment having just fractured your femur; lying on a gurney, unable to get up, writhing in pain and groaning with the unspeakable ache of it, your doctor looks on, your X-ray in hand, cocking her head to the side and saying ever so kindly, “Well, now, let’s just give it some time. You’ll feel better soon enough.” Broken hearts, like broken legs, need a lot of tending to in order to properly heal. Unless, of course, you don’t mind the possibility of your heart’s healing a little too crooked, a little bit closed, a whole lot defensive, and way too easily bruised moving forward from here. That’s the heart’s equivalent of walking with a limp for the rest of your life and feeling pain every time it rains.

The only way to outrun the sorrow of losing the attentions and affections of the person you have loved is to use the fierce and fiery pain of it to catalyze your own awakening and propel you to become the person you were born to be.

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace. HELEN KELLER

the word karma is literally las.rgyu.abras, which means “action-seed-results.”

Karma, as it was originally defined, means that each action we take is like planting a seed that will grow into a particular result. More than cause and effect, karma is the idea that the actions we take will, over time, begin to grow our lives in a particular direction.

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth “You owe me.” Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. ELISABETH KÜBLER-ROSS