Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After

by Katherine Woodward Thomas

Beliefs are relational—meaning, we created them in relationship with those we loved and depended upon the most. We didn’t just pluck these stories out of the ether. Something was going on between you and your mom, or you and your dad, grandma, or weird Uncle Jim that was wildly painful and confusing, and beyond your capacity to comprehend. Given that, as a kid, your main developmental task was to form a sense of who you are and where you fit into this world, it’s understandable that you would make whatever was happening mean something about you. It’s only when you revisit the conclusions you came to with the rationality of an adult who has an enhanced capacity to hold complexity and nuance that a more sophisticated and accurate picture can emerge. You must go back to rescue the younger you from that wacky and distorted hall of mirrors. Because the meaning you made about yourself and your life—that you are bad, not wanted, not loved, too much, not enough, powerless, and/or destined to be alone in life—is simply not true.

And here is the truth, plain and simple yet hard to understand and wrought with complexity. So, there's only one thing to do, get to work!