Laurus

by Eugene Vodolazkin

I have often regretted the things I have said, but I have never regretted my silence.

But I have begun to fear death. The elder ran his hand along Arseny’s hair. He said: Each of us repeats Adam’s journey and acknowledges, with the loss of innocence, that he is mortal. Weep and pray, O Arseny. And do not fear death, for death is not just the bitterness of parting. It is also the joy of liberation.

It was his way of warning us that everyone remains alone with God at the final moment.

And what does interest them? I don’t know. After a silence, she asked: So why did you choose medieval history? It’s hard to say… Maybe because historians in the Middle Ages were unlike historians these days. They always looked for moral reasons as an explanation for historical events. It’s like they didn’t notice the direct connection between events. Or didn’t attach much significance to it. But how can you explain the world without seeing the connections? said Alexandra, surprised. They were looking above the everyday and seeing higher connections. Besides, time connected all events, even though people didn’t consider that connection reliable.

Lots of Russians are gloomy, said Ambrogio, sharing an observation. It is the climate, nodded Arseny.

A city of saints, whispered Ambrogio, following the play of the shadow. They present us the illusion of life. No, objected Arseny, also in a whisper. They disprove the illusion of death.

Our God is closer and warmer, theirs is higher and grander.

You know, O friend, any meeting is surely more than parting. There is emptiness before meeting someone, just nothing, but there is no longer emptiness after parting. After having met someone once, it is impossible to part completely. A person remains in the memory, as a part of the memory. The person created that part and that part lives, sometimes coming into contact with its creator. Otherwise, how would we sense those dear to us from a distance?

Our death will be so stupid, Ambrogio said to Arseny in a quiet voice. But what death is not stupid? asked Arseny. Is it not stupid that coarse iron enters the flesh, violating its perfection? He who is not capable of creating even a fingernail on a little finger is destroying a most complex mechanism, something inaccessible to human comprehension. It was decided the