Private Citizens

by Tony Tulathimutte

Already she missed New York—the city all others merely quoted, that tremendous vile heart pumping bedlam through its boroughs, whereas San Francisco was more uterine: passive, nonvital. Here the raindrops were smaller, the hustle slower, everything tolerated. And cities that tolerated everything tolerated mediocrity.

She hadn’t written, much less published, anything since college, and for this she partly blamed San Francisco, this little ukulele-strumming cuddle party. A They Might Be Giants song set in concrete. Its last influential artists were the godawful Beats, and now it was nothing but a collapsed soufflé of sex kitsch and performance readings, book clubs, writing workshops. Haight-Ashbury radicalism had been flushed out in a thunderous enema of tourist cash; the Mission was annexed by Silicon Valley. City Lights was a good name for something that obscured stars. The little journals and bookstores were on a drip-feed of pledge drives, and the only thing to say about the McSweeney’s tweehouse of interns was that they had nice packaging.

She hadn’t written, much less published, anything since college, and for this she partly blamed San Francisco, this little ukulele-strumming cuddle party. A They Might Be Giants song set in concrete. Its last influential artists were the godawful Beats, and now it was nothing but a collapsed soufflé of sex kitsch and performance readings, book clubs, writing workshops. Haight-Ashbury radicalism had been flushed out in a thunderous enema of tourist cash; the Mission was annexed by Silicon Valley. City Lights was a good name for something that obscured stars. The little journals and bookstores were on a drip-feed of pledge drives, and the only thing to say about the McSweeney’s tweehouse of interns was that they had nice packaging.

Anyway, even niceness wasn’t enough. Nice: from nescire, to not know. People should know!

Anyway, even niceness wasn’t enough. Nice: from nescire, to not know. People should know!

Her generation’s failure was not of comprehension but of compassion, of splitting the indifference; its juvenile taste for making a mess; its indignant reluctance to clean it up; its limitless capacity for giving itself a break; its tendency to understand its privilege as vindication. And they weren’t even happy.

He’d formulated the relationship between pragmatism, profit, and pride: put two in conflict and forget the third. Nonprofits, he learned, supplicated the idle rich, ate young hearts, and defrauded the middle class.

He’d formulated the relationship between pragmatism, profit, and pride: put two in conflict and forget the third. Nonprofits, he learned, supplicated the idle rich, ate young hearts, and defrauded the middle class.

How could people be moral when morality obliged you to know everything?

She knew the shady pragmatics of small business ownership had shaped his cynical realpolitik, but he really believed you could run a business without one moral fiber or protein of empathy, just know-how and can-do. How could he be so pro–manual labor and so anti-Labor? So nationalist and so antinationalization? Passionate about Latin but indifferent to Latinos? Cory, at least, had collective moral purpose; she had protein and fiber.

She knew the shady pragmatics of small business ownership had shaped his cynical realpolitik, but he really believed you could run a business without one moral fiber or protein of empathy, just know-how and can-do. How could he be so pro–manual labor and so anti-Labor? So nationalist and so antinationalization? Passionate about Latin but indifferent to Latinos? Cory, at least, had collective moral purpose; she had protein and fiber.

Socialize designed, coordinated, promoted, and hosted recreational events whose proceeds went to progressive causes. “I see,” Barr said, in his way-ahead-of-you way. “Commodifying liberal guilt. High elastic demand.” “Dad.” “Nothing to be ashamed of. Selling crap is how we support our base of crapmakers and crapmongers. Everyone profits when people crap.”

Socialize designed, coordinated, promoted, and hosted recreational events whose proceeds went to progressive causes. “I see,” Barr said, in his way-ahead-of-you way. “Commodifying liberal guilt. High elastic demand.” “Dad.” “Nothing to be ashamed of. Selling crap is how we support our base of crapmakers and crapmongers. Everyone profits when people crap.”

Soon she’d joined the Stanford Labor Action Coalition and organized protests, road blockages, sit-ins on President Hennessy’s lawn, and finally her hunger strikes, starving out living wages for Stanford’s custodial staff and divestment from Israel. It was an elegant way to achieve something by doing nothing, which was the only thing she’d felt absolutely qualified to do, and it felt nice to hide her little problem out in the open.

Soon she’d joined the Stanford Labor Action Coalition and organized protests, road blockages, sit-ins on President Hennessy’s lawn, and finally her hunger strikes, starving out living wages for Stanford’s custodial staff and divestment from Israel. It was an elegant way to achieve something by doing nothing, which was the only thing she’d felt absolutely qualified to do, and it felt nice to hide her little problem out in the open.

He’d been a regular everywhere, and made lots of friends, but only the kind you ran into at other parties, who were glad to chitchat in a group setting but would never spare you individual time and would be sad for maybe five seconds if they heard you’d been tortured to death: which was to say, online friends. He had thousands. As a linking node, a degree of separation, Will succeeded.

He’d been a regular everywhere, and made lots of friends, but only the kind you ran into at other parties, who were glad to chitchat in a group setting but would never spare you individual time and would be sad for maybe five seconds if they heard you’d been tortured to death: which was to say, online friends. He had thousands. As a linking node, a degree of separation, Will succeeded.

Cultures of permission valorized bad taste as liberation. Ecosystems needed predators. Yet San Francisco was nothing if not vegetarian.

Everything here was appallingly what it seemed. Her fellow undergrads were all careerist dickheads, thumb-sucking vegans, smug libertarians, batshit Republicans, pompous student-visa techies, precious study-abroad fuzzies, Division I Neanderthals, faculty lapdogs, marching band weenies recouping their squandered adolescences, and the unforgivably rich.

Everything here was appallingly what it seemed. Her fellow undergrads were all careerist dickheads, thumb-sucking vegans, smug libertarians, batshit Republicans, pompous student-visa techies, precious study-abroad fuzzies, Division I Neanderthals, faculty lapdogs, marching band weenies recouping their squandered adolescences, and the unforgivably rich.

In the curriculum of self-care he hadn’t quite figured out tidying up—or washing or eating or sleeping. Basics weren’t easy. What made them basic was their unvarying necessity, to which we were adapted by eons of heredity and tradition, but he had neither. Complex things were manageable—you needed only the conscious brain. But basics were never easy.

In the curriculum of self-care he hadn’t quite figured out tidying up—or washing or eating or sleeping. Basics weren’t easy. What made them basic was their unvarying necessity, to which we were adapted by eons of heredity and tradition, but he had neither. Complex things were manageable—you needed only the conscious brain. But basics were never easy.

“My reading list. Holistic dietetics, panpsychism, horology, apocalypse myths. It’s universal wisdom. College is what, math and computers? Or books about what people said in other books? College just gets you from one desk to another. It gentrifies your mind.”

“My reading list. Holistic dietetics, panpsychism, horology, apocalypse myths. It’s universal wisdom. College is what, math and computers? Or books about what people said in other books? College just gets you from one desk to another. It gentrifies your mind.”

Stop, he thought. I own you, I am you, and I’m telling you to stop. But nothing stopped, not the wind thrashing outdoors, or gravity, or air pressure, creaming you under its ocean of air, never explaining itself, never cutting you a break. The forwardness of time, the downwardness of gravity, shoving everything like a plow—nature always acted personally. Nothing universal about it.

Stop, he thought. I own you, I am you, and I’m telling you to stop. But nothing stopped, not the wind thrashing outdoors, or gravity, or air pressure, creaming you under its ocean of air, never explaining itself, never cutting you a break. The forwardness of time, the downwardness of gravity, shoving everything like a plow—nature always acted personally. Nothing universal about it.

“They have done it. I don’t want them attached to my name. Ulgh, those creepy black buses. All those startup douches. The rents. It’s cliché to say, but tech companies have ruined the Mission. No offense.” “Gold rushes have always been ‘ruining’ San Francisco. Ruining it with money and jobs. It beats earthquakes.” “The way tech companies turn services into verbs and products into nouns. Doesn’t it depress you that googling is called googling? That they’re privatizing language? They even took the letters I and E.” “Don’t forget ‘You.’”

“They have done it. I don’t want them attached to my name. Ulgh, those creepy black buses. All those startup douches. The rents. It’s cliché to say, but tech companies have ruined the Mission. No offense.” “Gold rushes have always been ‘ruining’ San Francisco. Ruining it with money and jobs. It beats earthquakes.” “The way tech companies turn services into verbs and products into nouns. Doesn’t it depress you that googling is called googling? That they’re privatizing language? They even took the letters I and E.” “Don’t forget ‘You.’”

If she stood for progress, why not technological progress? Because social benefit wasn’t consumable—people wanted hoverboards and phone cases, not infrastructure, green energy, shit, not even food production. The tech ethos was to do less with more, the false empowerments of consumerism, inventing conveniences for the vanishing middle class, the Marcusian identification with property . . . plus, as technology became more complex, it got harder to regulate and appropriate, so technological progress was regress to mysticism.

If she stood for progress, why not technological progress? Because social benefit wasn’t consumable—people wanted hoverboards and phone cases, not infrastructure, green energy, shit, not even food production. The tech ethos was to do less with more, the false empowerments of consumerism, inventing conveniences for the vanishing middle class, the Marcusian identification with property . . . plus, as technology became more complex, it got harder to regulate and appropriate, so technological progress was regress to mysticism.

the Internet’s a shopping mall. A global corporate holding pen masquerading as public commons. The public doesn’t work if nobody’s in it. You can’t protest online; there’s no space. The overlords who turned the world into property are now making property proprietary and virtual. Molding and standardizing human relationships to function as components in the assembly line. And don’t forget, it was all developed with taxpayer money for the military and thrives on government subsidies, like all supposedly bootstrapped free-market horseshit.”

the Internet’s a shopping mall. A global corporate holding pen masquerading as public commons. The public doesn’t work if nobody’s in it. You can’t protest online; there’s no space. The overlords who turned the world into property are now making property proprietary and virtual. Molding and standardizing human relationships to function as components in the assembly line. And don’t forget, it was all developed with taxpayer money for the military and thrives on government subsidies, like all supposedly bootstrapped free-market horseshit.”

convenience trumps freedom every time. Don’t blame tech for that. Dismissing the Internet is like dismissing buildings.”

convenience trumps freedom every time. Don’t blame tech for that. Dismissing the Internet is like dismissing buildings.”

“the inability to enjoy nature without dominating it is a major cause of conflict.”

“the inability to enjoy nature without dominating it is a major cause of conflict.”