She belonged to herself only. She had edges, boundaries, tastes, definition down to her eyelashes. And when she walked it was clear she knew where she was going.
I’ve been told many times that no one moves to New York City without a specific dream. In my case, I did want to be a writer. But I also had a vision that wasn’t connected to writing. It was a woman (in my head she was Joan Didion in her Vogue days, or Susan Sontag in her Upper West Side apartment – this woman was always surrounded by a drink and books) who created her own rules for how she would participate in the world. While many people certainly do want to be actors, writers, musicians, fashion designers, bankers, it’s false to assume that at twenty-two you know exactly what you want to do. A great number of people, particularly those who end up in restaurants, simply want to become a better, more sophisticated version of themselves. They have grit (how can you live in New York City without it?), and curiosity, but they aren’t necessarily focused. When I’m asked what Tess wanted when she came to New York, I point to this passage. In a way, it reminds of Isabelle Archer in Portrait of a Lady, or other heroines of the nineteenth century, whose ambitions aren’t tied to a profession, but to a vision of self-actualization. To be a woman in command of her own life. That’s what Tess longs for when she leaves Ohio: to be accountable to no one else, to feel the expanse of her freedom. Simone – at least initially – is this vision come to life, which explains why Tess is so drawn to her from the moment she sees her.
We’ve all had those men or women who are beacons of who we might become. We tend to outgrow them once we’re not able to idolize them. They’re still the catalysts for change in our lives. That’s what Simone and Jake (and the restaurant) become to Tess.
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