We can help others trust that we are requesting, not demanding, by indicating that we would only want them to comply if they can do so willingly. Thus we might ask, “Would you be willing to set the table?” rather than “I would like you to set the table.” However, the most powerful way to communicate that we are making a genuine request is to empathize with people when they don’t agree to the request. It’s a request if the speaker then shows empathy toward the other person’s needs. We demonstrate that we are making a request rather than a demand by how we respond when others don’t comply. If we
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I love how he recognizes and conveys that you can't fix interactions with just words, as so much relies on patterns of past interactions that have shaped expectations. Like if someone were to try and distinguish between what happened to Breonna Taylor and the definition of murder, and talk about what that mislabeling does to police's feelings/psychology /culture, people would assume that person will ultimately show a lot of prejudice and lack of empathy and lack of willingness to try and reduce racism in society.
