Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides)

by Marshall B. Rosenberg

As an example, a woman was suffering heavily from a conflict with her husband, particularly from the way he was directing anger toward her. First, I listened in a way that supported her to clearly express her needs and to experience being received with respectful understanding. Then, I took on the role of her husband, and asked her to listen to me as I expressed what I guessed to be the husband’s needs. The needs of the conflicting parties having been clearly conveyed in this role-play, I asked the woman to share the recording with her husband for his reaction. Because I had, in this case, been accurate in guessing the husband’s needs, he experienced huge relief when listening to the recording. With the increased trust that came from hearing himself understood, he later agreed to come in so we could work together until the two of them found ways of meeting their needs in mutually respectful ways. When the hardest thing about resolving a conflict is getting the parties together in the same room, the use of recorded role-plays may be the answer.