They went back and forth, with the partner repeating, “I do listen,” and the woman countering, “No, you don’t.” They told me they’d had this “conversation” for twelve years, a situation that is typical in conflicts when parties use vague words like “listen” to express strategies. I suggest instead the use of action verbs to capture something that we can see or hear happening—something that can be recorded with a video camera. “Listening” occurs inside a person’s head; another person cannot see whether it is happening or not. One way to determine that someone is actually listening is to have
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Yup... This is why I ask this so much from my partner. And why Rappaport's Rules are so crucial.
