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Kindle Notes & Highlights
First, we observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are we observing others saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching our life? The trick is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgment or evaluation—to simply say what people are doing that we either like or don’t like. Next, we state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated? And thirdly, we say what needs of ours are connected to the feelings we have identified.
observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.
When we combine observation with evaluation, others are apt to hear criticism and resist what we are saying.
When critical self-concepts prevent us from seeing the beauty in ourselves, we lose connection with the divine energy that is our source.
I worry about the nature of the energy behind that kind of change and learning.
Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy—our strong need for choice.
When we communicate with ourselves on a regular basis through inner judgment, blame, and demand, it’s not surprising that our self-concept gives in to feeling more like a chair than a human being.
“I myself am not behaving in harmony with my own needs.”
“What unmet need of mine is being expressed through this moralistic judgment?”
Whether it’s sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us to pursue and fulfill what we need or value.
With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.
“If I don’t do this, people will be disappointed in me.” We are afraid we’ll end up feeling guilty for failing to fulfill other people’s expectations of us.
When scarcity thinking then gets mixed with right-and-wrong thinking, any of us can become militant and violent, and blinded to even the most obvious solutions.
however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
In the same way, pain engendered by damaging cultural conditioning is such an integral part of our lives that we can no longer distinguish its presence. It takes tremendous energy and awareness to recognize this destructive learning and to transform it into thoughts and behaviors that are of value and of service to life.
the more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair. Gratitude will act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard shell of your ego—your need to possess and control—and transform you into a generous being. The sense of gratitude produces true spiritual alchemy, makes us magnanimous— large souled. —Sam Keen, philosopher
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
“Anything that is worth doing is worth doing poorly!”
