Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides)

by Marshall B. Rosenberg

It is helpful to recognize a number of common speech patterns that tend to mask accountability for our own feelings: Use of impersonal pronouns such as it and that: “It really infuriates me when spelling mistakes appear in our public brochures.” “That bugs me a lot.” The use of the expression “I feel (an emotion) because … ” followed by a person or personal pronoun other than I: “I feel hurt because you said you don’t love me.” “I feel angry because the supervisor broke her promise.” Statements that mention only the actions of others: “When you don’t call me on my birthday, I feel hurt.” “Mommy is disappointed when you don’t finish your food.” In each of these instances, we can deepen our awareness of our own responsibility by substituting the phrase, “I feel … because I … ” For example: “I feel really infuriated when spelling mistakes like that appear in our public brochures, because I want our company to project a professional image.”