The First Time She Drowned

by Kerry Kletter

It was when I discovered that there are two kinds of death. There is ceasing to exist, usually accompanied by a funeral and loved ones in mourning. And then there is emotional death born out of necessity and measured solely by the absence of grief it causes: the turning off the lights of oneself in order to shut down the feelings of being alive.

Life continued, and I watched it like a television show through the window of a stranger’s house. I was outside. I watched.

part of being healthy is being able to hold and remember who people actually are instead of who we wish they were.

In the end, the loss is about letting go of what I never had in the first place.