In this social environment, studies show a decline in the ability to form secure attachments—the kind where you trust and share your life. Ironically, our new efficient quests for romance are tied up in behavior that discourages empathy and intimacy. The preliminaries of traditional courtship, the dinner dates that emphasized patience and deference, did not necessarily lead to intimacy but provided practice in what intimacy requires. The new preliminaries—the presentation of candidates as if in a game—don’t offer that opportunity.
