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In seconds, Flame sped up until his bike was in parallel to our truck… until his place on his seat was parallel to mine. We remained this way until home.
FUCK
“Good night, Flame. I… I am happy you have returned.” In my head I added, “to me,” but that would never be said aloud.
IM OH SO IN LOVE ALREADY
I wondered what she looked like asleep? I wanted to watch her sleep.
“Because she’s perfect. Everything about her is fucking perfect. Every-fuckin’-thing.”
FLAME PLEASE
But now, when Flame was near, I dreamed anew. I dreamed that one day I would know what his hand felt like holding mine.
“I couldn’t stay away.”
“I am happy you are back, Flame. I found myself at a loss without you.”
“Completely lost. You… you are the only person that ever makes me feel safe. When you were gone…”
No, AK could not take him from me. My soul would rip in two. I needed him. He needed me.
When I looked at her, I could breathe.
I… I wanted him as my own. In this moment, seeing the man who had become the center of my world, breaking, I wanted nothing more than to save him. To gift him the peace he so richly deserved, even if it meant sacrificing my newly-awakened heart in the process.
“I will not take your life, Flame, for it is far too precious to lose.”
“Because that is my Flame in there. And he needs me. No one else. Me.”
“That is how I regard Flame. As mine. From the moment I was able to touch him, and he touched me, I was claimed. I have been his this whole time.”
“Because I think about you all the time. You look at me in a way no one else does. I think about what those men in that fucking cult did to you, and I can’t stand it. I need to make sure no one touches you like that again.
“I fear a man’s touch. I find it abhorrent. But not yours. I wanted to embrace you that day. I needed to. Even if we cannot ever embrace again.”
“Because I like what you say. It makes me feel… I do not know… special, when I am with you? It…” She held her hand over her chest, over her heart. “I feel it right here.” “You are special to me,” I answered honestly.
“I don’t feel the flames when you’re near. Somehow, you calm the flames.”
Because she was special to me. She was everything. She was all I thought about, day and night.
“You, Flame. My Flame. My tortured boy. You gave me life and light.”
“Maddie?” Flame asked again. From my position I saw Flame’s hands clenching into fists, then he rasped, “I don’t want you to leave me.”
“Then you’ll come back here. To me,” he said with finality.
“That I would rather be in the cabin sitting near the fire, with you.” My heart leapt in my chest, when he added, “You draw and I like to watch you. I like you being near me. It’s better than standing under your window. I like being able to see you up close.”
“I draw, and that makes me happy. I was wondering what makes you happy?” I watched Flame’s face as his eyes flitted from side to side, when he said, “I watch you.”
OH MY FUCKING GOD
“but I believe it is similar to what was done to me. And I believe that with my touch, maybe he might fade from your world too.”
“I know I’m different. I know I don’t see the world like everyone else does. But I want to see your world, Maddie. Even if it’s the only one I’ll ever understand.”
“In fact, I have not felt this… content… ever in my life.”
“Just like your picture, Maddie. I’m holding you just like your sketch.”
“That you are my anchor. You are the one I was meant to find on this Earth.” Her finger stopped and she looked into my eyes. “That you are the one for me. Only you can understand me, Flame. No one else. You have spent your entire life lost, not understanding what people want, but with me, you always know how to make me happy. How to make me feel safe.”
You had become the center of my world. You were my day and night as you paced beneath my room.
“And I can’t breathe. In here, is dark and empty, and she’s gone. I can’t get the feeling to go.”
“I understand you Flame. And I am beginning to understand myself. What you and I are to each other.” “And what’s that?” I asked gruffly. Maddie bowed her head. “Everything.”
“I am the same. Because I too have never done this before. Not like this. Only with you. Only ever with you.”
“I do not know why you do not believe you are worthy to be loved, but I do love you, so purely and honestly that I can scarcely believe it myself.”
“You have brought me back to life.” She choked on a laugh and said, “You have made my life.”
And I cannot breathe at the thought of being without you, for even one second.”
“I love you, Flame. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you believe that you are worthy of being loved.”
“Can’t fucking breathe without her nearby. Need her to sleep with me. Need her to keep the flames away.” I ran my nails over the scars on my arm. “She ain’t ever leaving me again. For life, brothers. She’s mine for fucking life.”
“It is true. Yours, is who I am. You gave me a purpose, Flame. You gave me a reason to live… you gave me your love… you gave me you.”
“Because saving you gave me my voice. You gave me the strength to break free from the bonds that chained me to my past. The bonds that existed only in my mind. You… you freed me.”
“Then I got you. I have you, and I can’t lose you, Maddie. I can’t ever fucking lose you or I will fucking go insane.”
“I love you so very much. Do you know that? I need you to know how much you mean to me.”
