The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships

by Neil Strauss

because an old wound has been triggered. And you’re regressing to the childhood or adolescent state that corresponds to that feeling.

I’ve been making an effort to put my needs first in the relationship to avoid feeling enmeshed.

Sheila tells me that continuously complying with someone else’s priorities at the expense of my own is called pathological accommodation.

“We all have six core needs: emotional, social, intellectual, physical, sexual, and spiritual. And if they’re being attended to and enhanced, then you’re doing the right thing.”

I used to think that a good relationship meant always getting along. But the secret, I realize, is that when one person shuts down or throws a fit, the other needs to stay in the adult ego state.

And the only way to escape the past is to embrace it.

The most caring thing to do when they’re upset is simply to ask if they want you to listen, to give advice, to give them space, or to give them loving touch.

Our commitment is solely to nurturing, supporting, and honoring three important entities in our lives: me, her, and the relationship.

Patrick Carnes’s Post-Traumatic Stress Index test online to understand the ways your past haunts your behavior today.