Collaborative Intelligence: Thinking with People Who Think Differently

by Dawna Markova

Two common assumptions cause us to deny our blind spots. The first is the belief that we should all be competent at everything. The second is the belief that we should be able to think through and solve any issue independently. Both of these erroneous beliefs can lead to what I call “skilled mediocrity,” and they point to the inescapable fact that we need one another. Blind spots reveal where collaboration is necessary so you can give and get the support you need to produce excellence.

TALENT Connection LIGHTS YOU UP • Making connections between things or ideas. • Linking people to one another. BURNS YOU OUT • Thinking linearly. • Conflict.

TALENT Creating Intimacy LIGHTS YOU UP • Teaming with others long-term. • Consistent one-on-one connection with others. BURNS YOU OUT • Meeting and greeting new people in casual settings. • Hectic schedules that don’t allow for deeper connection.

LIGHTS YOU UP • Demonstrating emotional care for someone. • Anticipating others’ needs and feelings. BURNS YOU OUT • Being around negative feelings or pessimistic people. • Too much communication (email, text) when you cannot sense the other person’s emotions.

TALENT Fixing It LIGHTS YOU UP • Identifying or anticipating what might go wrong and fixing or averting it—people, situations, or things. • Rescuing or saving people, things, or situations. BURNS YOU OUT • When you can see what’s wrong and can’t fix it. • When others don’t want you to help—for instance, when they want to learn to do it themselves.

TALENT Love of Learning LIGHTS YOU UP • Continual learning. • Sharing what you are learning. BURNS YOU OUT • Leapfrogging from learning thing to thing without any depth. • Having to do routine things when no learning is involved.

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When you want to strengthen your connection and increase your influence with someone. • When you encounter a specific challenge or breakdown with a person and want to move beyond it. • When you want to increase the chances that someone else will understand your ideas.

WALK CURIOUSLY IN ANOTHER PERSON’S SHOES 1. Ask questions that will help you discover what energizes the other person.

Communicate in the language of that individual’s thinking talent.

ENGAGING WITH A PERSON WHO CHALLENGES YOU

Decades as a thinking partner have taught me one thing: It isn’t the difficult person you have to change; rather, it’s how you relate to that person.

If you ever feel lost, overwhelmed, or disengaged when working with your group, consider it as a signal that the intellectual capital of your team is not being fully engaged.

Your team map will enable you to quickly gauge what kinds of talents and cognitive styles are present and what is missing in a team.

Without consciously realizing it, the CEO had hired people who were “smart” the way she was. But that did not make them highly effective. It just gave them the same blind spot.

A team map can help everyone recognize a blind spot and create an opening for you to speak.

BREAKTHROUGH PRACTICE: BENDING TO BLEND WITH ANOTHER

Influence is the ability to accept and evoke change.

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We’re taught to provoke and motivate ourselves by pushing for answers. This approach often results in a closed mind that is forceful and arrogant. Mind share, however, requires that you learn to evoke thinking and inspire growth.

At the beginning of every new idea, there is a great question. Between every breakdown and every breakthrough, there is a great question.

The strategy of inquiry is the art of asking great questions. Asking great questions increases your influence in three significant ways: It connects you to your own wisdom and intention; it bridges and leverages thinking differences; it fosters new possibilities by enabling you to see things from a different perspective.

In a fixed mindset, you believe everyone has been born with a certain unchanging level of intelligence. This results in hiding what you don’t know so people won’t think you’re not “smart.” Thus you avoid challenges and negative feedback because it could reveal what you don’t know. You consider every setback or obstacle a personal failure rather than a learning opportunity. A fixed mindset limits artful inquiry, because you expect yourself to have all the answers.

What can I learn from this? • How can I grow my capacity? • How can I do this better?

First, most people have certain areas of their life where they use a growth mindset and other areas where they use a fixed mindset.

THE THREE KINDS OF INQUIRY

The first type is success-based inquiry; when you are stuck, this helps you access your own wisdom by focusing on what has worked in the past. The second is intentional inquiry; when you feel lost, overwhelmed, and confused in your thinking, it helps you reconnect with what really matters to you. The third, influential inquiry, helps when you feel disconnected or ineffective in your own thinking or with others.

1. Success-Based Inquiry: Accessing What’s Worked in the Past

This form of inquiry is most useful when your mind goes blank, when you feel clueless about what to do next or keep thin...

Then think of a time in the past when you’ve experienced a similar challenge that resulted in a positive outcome. Consider all that you did to create that success. What did you learn that could help you now?

it shifts you toward a growth mindset. Because you’re using your own life experience as a guide, you will feel much more confident in your ability to create effective ways of engaging with new people or projects.

Intentional Inquiry: Discovering Your Virtuous Intent

Intentional inquiry uses questions that help you tap in to a place of clarity about what really matters to you. It is most helpful when you feel lost, carried away by another’s thinking, or burned out by the pressure of the urgent.

What is most important to you about this? • What is surprising to you right now? • What is inspiring you? • What is challenging you? • No matter what, how can you grow your capacity in this situation? • What do you want to learn from this? • What feeling do you want to have when you leave this meeting?

3. Influential Inquiry

They are suitably named because, if someone asks you influential questions from a quadrant that you habitually avoid, you can be blindsided and misunderstand their questions as a challenge or attack.

Adopting a growth mindset will enable you to ask for support, because you know it does not mean you are incompetent. It actually indicates you are self-aware of your mastery—and of areas where you need backup. This is the essence of collaboration.

USING THE INQUIRY COMPASS

To make sure you have a well-rounded way of thinking, scan the compass and consider the issue from all four directions.

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HOW TO GET PAST CLASHES IN STYLES OF INQUIRY AND MOVE TOWARD COLLABORATION

Habitually we focus on two things: the content of what someone is saying, and the internal reaction it causes for us. Instead, a collaborative way to create a bridge between the two of you would be to wonder which quadrant your colleague is coming from.

From which quadrant are they trying to influence me? • From which quadrant am I trying to influence them? • What could be right about what they are saying? • How can their area of influence grow my capacity? How can I help them grow theirs?

Use success-based inquiry to gather as much data as possible about the other person’s inquiry preferences. Talk to people who have been effective with him or her, in order to get a sense of how they were successful in the past. What worked? What didn’t? Then use

success-based inquiry to discover your own winning formula. 2. Use intentional inquiry to clarify your objective for meeting with this person. What’s really most important to you? 3. Use influential inquiry by consulting the compass of inquiry to prepare for the meeting, translating as much of your presentation as possible into the other person’s habitual style. How will you know when the time is right to translate from her style into your own? How can you give in to get your way?

HOW DO I USE INQUIRY IN TEAMS?

Step 1: Success-Based Inquiry

Discuss with your team what has been effective when you faced a similar challenge in the past.

Take time to be clear on what specific result you want and to agree on your desired outcome. Have each person answer the question, “What is my intention here?” and then ask the group, “What matters to us all?”

Step 3: Influential Inquiry