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January 5 - January 15, 2023
My online network tells me to power pose like Wonder Woman and reminds me of the actual studies that say that power posing like Wonder Woman for five minutes not only improves self-esteem but even hours later improves how others perceive you.
Power pose!
I think a lot of people dream. And while they are busy dreaming, the really happy people, the really successful people, the really interesting, powerful, engaged people? Are busy doing.
Do.
Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral. Pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen. It’s hard work that creates change.
Hard work.
You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new.
Keep doing.
It doesn’t have to fit your vision of the perfect job or the perfect life. Perfect is boring, and dreams are not real. Just . . . DO.
Yes.
That never would have happened if I hadn’t stopped dreaming of becoming her and gotten busy becoming myself.
Be yourself.
But here’s the thing. The thing I really felt like I knew. The real world sucks. And it is scary.
Ha.
Elsewhere in the world, girls are being harmed simply because they want to get an education. Slavery still exists. Children still die from malnutrition. In this country, we lose more people to handgun violence than any other nation in the world. Sexual assault against women in America is pervasive and disturbing and continues at an alarming rate.
In tbis country...
So yes, tomorrow may suck for you—as it did for me. But as you stare at the lint in your navel, have some perspective. We are incredibly lucky. We have been given a gift. An incredible education has been placed before us. We ate all the fro-yo we could get our
So lucky.
Now it’s time to pay it forward. Find a cause you love. It’s okay to just pick one. You are going to need to spend a lot of time out in the real world trying to figure out how to stop being a lost loser so one cause is good. But find one. And devote some time every week to it. And while we are discussing this, let me say a thing. A hashtag is not helping.
Pay it forward.
Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means that I am failing in another area of my life.
There is no balance.
I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other. That is the trade-off.
It's A trade-off .
I want my daughters to see me and know me as a woman who works. I want that example set for them. I like how proud they are when they come to my offices and know that they come to Shondaland.
Yes.
In their world, mothers run companies. In their world, mothers own Thursday nights. In their world, mothers work. And I am a better mother for it. The woman I am because I get to run Shondaland, because I get to write all day, because I get to spend my days making things up, that woman is a better person—and a better mother. Because that woman is happy. That woman is fulfilled. That woman is whole. I wouldn’t want them to know the me that didn’t get to do this all day long. I wouldn’t want them to know the me who wasn’t doing.
Doing.
It is my hope that you run out of here excited, leaning forward, into the wind, ready to take the world by storm. That would be so very fabulous. For you to do what everyone expects of you.
Hope.
You can still wake up one day and find yourself living a life you never even imagined dreaming of.
Yes.
My dreams did not come true. But I worked really hard. And I ended up building an empire out of my imagination. So my dreams? Can suck it. You can wake up one day and find that you are interesting and powerful and engaged. You can wake up one day and find that you are a doer.
Be a doer.
You can be sitting right where you are now. Looking up at me. Probably—hopefully, I pray for you—hungover. And then twenty years from now, you can wake up and find yourself in the Hanover Inn full of fear and terror because you are going to give the commencement speech. Dry mouth. Heart beats so, so fast. Everything in slow motion. Pass out, die, poop. Which one of you will it be? Which member of the class of 2014 will find themselves standing here at the Old Pine Lectern?
Who will it be?
You have a responsibility to become a person worthy of joining and contributing to society.
A graduate.
Who you are today . . . that’s who you are. Be brave. Be amazing. Be worthy. And every single time you get the chance? Stand up in front of people. Let them see you. Speak. Be heard. Go ahead and have the dry mouth. Let your heart beat so, so fast. Watch everything move in slow motion. So what. You what? You pass out, you die, you poop? No. (And this is really the only lesson you’ll ever need to know.)
Be you.
You take it in. You breathe this rare air. You feel alive. You are yourself. You are truly finally always yourself. Thank you. Good luck.
Be yourself.
This Yes is about giving yourself the permission to shift the focus of what is a priority from what’s good for you over to what makes you feel good.
Yes to what is good.
Losing yourself does not happen all at once. Losing yourself happens one no at a time. No to going out tonight. No to catching up with that old college roommate. No to attending that party. No to going on a vacation. No to making a new friend. Losing yourself happens one pound at a time.
Interesting.
can say yes, I want to be successful at this. I want to be healthy. I want to live a long life for myself and for my children. I want to feel good. And once I say that, I have to buckle down and do the work and not complain and accept that the work is going to be hard. Because that is what it is. Work. Hard work.
Say yes.
“Nothing works until you are really ready for it to work,”
Not until you're ready.
Everything sounds like crap until you are in the right mind-set. Everything sounds like crap while you are still busy listing reasons you should get to eat that whole cake.
Everything .
Making it through the glass ceiling to the other side was simply a matter of running on a path created by every other woman’s footprints.
Yes.
I’ve started to think we are like mirrors. What you are gets reflected back to you. What you see in yourself, you may see in others, and what others see in you, they may see in themselves.
Mirrors.
The years and years of saying no were, for me, a quiet way to let go. A silent means of giving up. An easy withdrawal from the world, from light, from life. Saying no was a way to disappear.
No.
I can experience life or I can give up on it.
Choices...
The very idea that love exists, that it is possible, that one can have a “person”. . .
Love.
Hate diminishes, love expands.
Love.
I want Ride or Dies who make me want to be a better person.
Yes.
Her final piece of advice to the women of America. “Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy,” she says. “But he is not the sun. You are.” Her final piece of advice is not just for the women of America, I am now realizing, but also for me.
Be the sun
My parents are the perfect example of what marriage should be. They understand the work of marriage and seem to believe in its constancy. To them, it is a journey that has twists, turns, bumps and possibly detours, but no end. There are no exit ramps. And they don’t care. They are too busy having fun.
Same.
They are MFEO: Made For Each Other.
Ah.
For not living up to some standard we think applies across the board to all of us. We
all spend our lives trying to follow the same path, live by the same rules. I think we believe that happiness lies in following the same list of rules. In being more like everyone else. That? Is wrong. There is no list of rules. There is one rule. The rule is: there are no rules. Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be.
Happiness
You don’t want a baby? Don’t have one. I don’t want to get married? I won’t. You want to live alone? Enjoy it. You want to love someone? Love someone.
It's Your choice.
Don’t apologize. Don’t explain. Don’t ever feel less than. When you feel the need to apologize or explain who you are, it means the voice in your head is telling you the wrong story. Wipe the slate clean. And rewrite it.
Write your own story.
“I’m extremely proud of you,” she said quietly. “You were joyless. All you ever did was sleep. Literally. And metaphorically. You were asleep. I was worried. Life is short. Yours seemed really, really short. And now you have completely transformed. You’re alive. You’re living. Some people never do that.”
Live. Be joyful.
Yes.
