Before (After, #5)

by Anna Todd

They feel entitled to my body since I dress in a way that purposely entices them. They are disgusting and entirely wrong,

But to me that’s the best type of fucking story. I want to feel something while I’m reading, and sappy, roses-and-sunshine novels make me want to vomit on their pages and burn away the evidence afterward.

He should have known that that much passion would lead to destruction, to the burning of her soul, and make every ounce of her spirit disintegrate, taking the girl he loved, the girl that he couldn’t and still can’t breathe without, and he would have to watch her drift away, with the last few clouds of gray smoke.

But more surprisingly, I don’t understand where the stupid smile now on my face has come from.

Soft like cotton? Her giggle pierced through me? What the fuck was that?

There are so many mistakes to be made in life, and he made them all.

The other possibility is that the lot of us are just that good at dragging people down.

I’ve been paying attention to the tiniest things about this girl since the moment I saw her.

That’s what happens when you’re invisible: no one gives a fuck about you, and you have no one to give a fuck about.

and I blow a deep breath into my T-shirt to check my breath. Did I actually just…

I feel fluffy, in a weird but nice way. Fluffy? Really, Hardin?

And just like that, I’m reminded of the Bet for the first time in a few hours.

The way he forgot cause hes just interested in Tessa kills me

Okay, sure, both make decent music—they just aren’t my thing. Not enough pain for me.

Felt

Too close. She’s getting too close. It’s a game, Hardin. Treat her as a piece of it. “I don’t like to be stared at.” I try to keep a straight face. She’s so curious, and I’m realizing I’m liking it more than I should.

Using her? For what? Oh, I am using her. Goddamnit.

This freaking love sick idiot

His cage was honesty, and she threatened to lock him away without a key. He couldn’t lose her, but with each day it grew harder to keep her.

I try to imagine my life if she left. She would take with her all the color I’ve worked on painting into my life.

I’ve never had a thought like that before… It goes well with her eyes? What does that even mean?

I’m convinced that she was sent here just to torture me, to test every bit of my self-control. A small, soft voice in my head reminds me that maybe, just maybe, she was sent here for the opposite reason. Maybe I’m meant to be with her, to show her a new perspective on life? It’s probably complete rubbish, but maybe she’s not here to punish me—maybe she’s here to save me.

When she falls asleep, I sit up and watch her for a while, wondering how long she’s going to be mad at me and if I’m ever going to be able to figure out how to be a good boyfriend.

pretend we’re in a novel and that she’ll forgive me as Elizabeth forgave Darcy. If we were words on a page, she would find herself in my arms again, no matter the depth of my mistake, just like Catherine. She would crave the adventure that I bring to her life and find it impossible to stay away, just like Daisy. The disaster can’t touch us if we’re safe in our own world, our own apartment, our own novel.

I’m battling within myself: the good boy who loves the good girl and the bad boy who’s too broken to love anyone are fighting with swords. Each one wants something different from the princess. The boy in black gets knocked to the ground.

She will get married one day and have to tell the guy that she fucked me. Any talk of her past sexual experiences will be filled with me. I feel immense guilt but extreme satisfaction. It’s a liberating but frightening experience.

Kills me that even in this moment he believes ones day shw will wise up and leave

I have few rules when it comes to sex, but using a condom is a complete must for me.

As it should be

She’s mine now and forever, even after we leave this bed.

I feel alive and brilliant, and when I look down at my love, she’s looking back at me with radiant admiration, and I know now that somehow, everything will be okay.

He was beginning to question whether Tessa was his saving grace or his biggest curse. He had her, every part of her, yet she was slipping away with every passing second.

Tessa made me fight for her because she was fucking worth it. Too bad I ruined everything.

I won the Bet, she’s mine, and Zed can fucking rot, for all I care.

This freakin man

I’m not trying to hide her. I don’t want to keep her hidden any fucking more. I want to show her off proudly and let every motherfucker know that she’s mine. Only mine. But I’m too stupid to be able to make things work between us, which is why I have to hide the most beautiful thing, the only treasure, in my entire life. I have to hide her instead of letting her bloom in the sunshine, and it’s eating me alive from the inside out.

I’d follow her to the deepest pits of hell if she merely asked me to.

He seems sad again, but I can’t tell for sure. Hardin is sad, then mad, then laughing, all the time. He’s really weird.

The things I do for this woman. And I’d do more. I do all I can.

She’s been my calm, my fire, my breath, my pain, and no matter what we’ve gone through, every second was worth getting to the life we have now.

After everything, we made it to our own version of heaven.