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by
Ian Tuhovsky
Read between
November 15 - December 22, 2018
total proportions of the “sympathy factor” = 7% content + 38% verbal message (soft skills, use of language, rate of speaking, etc.) + 55% body language.
The “7%-38%-55%” rule can be seen as the metaphor of effective and efficient communication, which MUST contain the core of both verbal and non-verbal components, connected in a smart and congruent
communication. Effective communication is a verbal communication supported by congruent non-verbal messages (tone of voice, facial expression, posture, gestures, etc.). The congruence between these two elements is what makes communication truly effective. Now that we’ve covered all this, let’s start learning how to change your life for the better!
Duck or rapid, it's similar to 6 or 9. It's depend on your side / view
Albert Einstein or Marilyn Monroe? Depending on the lighting, the distance from which you are looking, condition of your sight, your expectations and mental filters or how wide your eyelids are open, you can see
Interpretation of the same information may be completely different when made by different people. There is no one objective truth.
The source of anger always lies in our thinking, beliefs and attitude. Our needs, expectations and judgements. If you feel anger, it very often means that some of your needs remain unfulfilled.
Why do I feel anger? What exactly made me so angry? What am I missing that makes me feel this way? What do I need?
The problem is that when someone thinks they have done something wrong, they will not have the opportunity to empathize with your pain. They will allocate all of their energy
into defending themselves.
After they finish their sentence, look them directly and deeply into the eyes, for three seconds non-stop, completely silent.
“Michael, I need that report done by the end of the day!”, not, “Michael, you need to finish the report by the end of the day!” Active voice: here’s what you
did to me. Passive voice: here’s what was done to
“Yeah, life is not fair indeed, sweetie pie.”
“I don’t believe I was treated equally in this situation.”
Cách nói thay thế cho việc đánh giá ko công bằng
By referring to a metaphor itself, you bypass your interlocutor’s conscious mind and refer to their subconscious.
it—mastery of this particular linguistic structure in conversations takes communication to a totally new level.
Metaprograms are these filters of perception, which decide how we develop specific, individual thinking patterns in our brains.
In his book Introducing NLP, Joseph O'Connor
He uses language compatible with their metaprograms, changing the shape of information in advance and making sure that they will be able to understand it easily.”
Motivation From-To
effectively. When persuading that person to do something, always use their metaprogram.
Trying to motivate someone with a strong desire for accomplishments and successes by some kind of punishment will be ineffective in most cases or could even bring the opposite effect.
you try to use some kind of reward to motivate people who always think about how to avoid defeats...
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Similarities-Differences
Options/Procedures
People focused on options like to have a possibility of choice.
avoid common schemes and feel...
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they have big impact on the process of achiev...
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let them know they will receive all the detailed instructions necessary to operate.
General/Detailed
"general" metaprograms prefer to look at the whole problem or issue in general from a bigger perspective.
People oriented on the details, however, prefer to look at the specific elements of the
The Authority of the External/Internal
Me/Others
remember to carefully listen to the other person's words all the time,
naturally become very familiar with it at some point and you will become an even better communicator.
Many metaprograms/metaphor:
- Motivate From - To
- Similar/Different
- Option/Procedure
- General/Detail
- Authority internal/external
- Me/Other
While you create a map of reality from the raw experience, there are three main processes: removal (or deletion), generalizations and distortions.
Each of these processes cut out some information from our communication, which is why it is more difficult for us to communicate and understand each other.
Deletion is the skipping of information that is relevant in any given situation.
Distortions: Changing of a given situation or phenomenon’s meaning.
Generalizations of phenomena and situations based upon a single or few experiences.
choose appropriate questions.
Chapter shows hidden info and it hides from context/process. 3 processes;
- deletion
- distortion
- generalization
“Sensory predicates and eye accessing cues”
how to predict how anyone will act in the future.
Past behavior—the best future predictor!
Learn the art of storytelling well and play with your voice and body language. Sometimes you can pause just before the final moment of climax to make their curiosity grow even bigger.
Tell them about your passions and projects when you are asked about them if the opportunity arises.
