When God Doesn't Fix It: Lessons You Never Wanted to Learn, Truths You Can't Live Without

by Laura Story

We’re all just one phone call away from learning the results of a test or the news of an affair, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or a thousand other ways our hope can be shattered. In that moment, we think life as we know it is over. The truth is, life, as we’ve yet to know it, has just begun.

Then my father stepped in—literally. “Let me go first, and I want you to walk in my steps. Put your foot down where I lift mine up. That way the snow will be packed underneath you, and you can make it to the top of the hill.” Just put your feet exactly where I put my feet. I think of that image every time I think of God preparing good works in advance for us. All we have to do is follow him, our feet stepping where his feet have already made a path. The hard work has been done. We don’t have to blaze a trail; we just have to put our feet exactly where our Father leads us.

I no longer believe the myth that trials are a curse. Trials are an opportunity. They are an invitation to do good works to glorify our Father in heaven, to transform our lives from the inside out, and to drive us into the arms and footsteps of Jesus.

MYTH: TRIALS ARE A CURSE. TRUTH: TRIALS ARE AN OPPORTUNITY.

Our desire is for God to fix broken things. But God’s desire for us is to fix our relationship with him.

God wants to restore our relationship with him more than anything else. Though he loves us, he’ll allow us to feel the pain of this world’s unhealed hurts if it brings us closer to him.

A God who leaves physically sick people to preach the good news to spiritually sick people is a God who cares more about our soul than our body. That is who our God is.

James is saying that when the trials of life happen, we need to hold on to God. It’s an opportunity for us to look in the dark for the less obvious blessings and mercies of God that we might overlook in the light. When we do, God shows us things that we otherwise might miss. God’s light is brightest in the dark.

MYTH: WHEN THINGS LOOK DARK, GOD IS GONE. TRUTH: WHEN THINGS LOOK DARK, GOD’S LIGHT SHINES THE BRIGHTEST.

MYTH: THE CHURCH IS A BUILDING WITH SERVICES. TRUTH: THE CHURCH IS THE PEOPLE OF GOD AS THEY SERVE ONE ANOTHER.

it was a relief to know that God’s hold on my life wasn’t contingent on my hold on him. In those seasons of life when I’ve been distracted, God has held me that much tighter. It’s never been about how hard I work; it’s always been about how hard God hangs on to me.

MYTH: THE STRENGTH OF MY FAITH IS BASED ON HOW STRONGLY I BELIEVE. TRUTH: THE STRENGTH OF MY FAITH IS BASED ON THE STRENGTH OF MY GOD.

Before we got married, our premarital counselor told me, “The whole world could be against your husband, but as long as you are for him, you give him wings. And if the whole world is for him, but you’re against him, it’s like pouring concrete in his shoes.”

There is something we’re all struggling to let go of. God is stirring something in our hearts and encouraging us to trust him. Maybe he wants us to surrender it, to loosen our grip, and allow him to take it.

MYTH: I GAIN BY HOLDING ON. TRUTH: I GAIN BY LETTING GO.

But at the same time, I’ve discovered that the longer I focus on why, the less progress I make. When I continue to ask why, somewhere deep inside me the repeated questioning and lack of answers feeds a sense of entitlement. When that sense of entitlement grows, it usually leads to bitterness.

Man asks why. Jesus asks how. Man asks, “Why did this happen?” Jesus asks, “How might my Father’s glory be displayed through this situation?” The answer to why doesn’t help us heal. But knowing that God’s glory can be displayed, even in the brokenness of our lives, gives us hope despite our circumstances. I promise you will find more purpose and joy in your life if you set aside the why and begin to ask how.

In the Bible, I see a picture of all things working together for good—a good that, frankly, I sometimes don’t understand. Somehow God mourns the death of a three-year-old, yet he also uses that sweet baby’s death to bring glory to himself. If you don’t understand how he can do both, well, join the club. I don’t know either. But that’s because I am looking at it from my perspective. Without seeing from God’s perspective, I can’t answer how that story or any other story, including mine, fits into his overall story.

But the Bible does reveal to us that sometimes God uses things he hates—things like cancer, divorce, suicide, addiction, death, and more—to accomplish the things he loves. He does this regularly and faithfully. It’s only when we bring our pain to him that we can find our dwelling in him. However, when we play the blame game, we’re focusing on everyone but him.

My friend Shea is the kind of healthy person who eats only free-range, vegan, grass-fed, organic food. About a year ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. She’s thirty-six. She has four kids. And her husband works at a church. When she was diagnosed, my first reaction was, Why her? I can give you two reasons. One is because sin entered the world, and it looks like cancer. The second is that even though God hates cancer, it can be used to reveal his glory. Those whys aren’t easy to accept, but it is in the hows of her story that I find hope. Every time my friend goes through one of her chemotherapy treatments, she depends on God’s strength to help her get through. That is when I see his power to overcome cancer. When she smiles and laughs, even though I know she’s in pain, I see God’s peace and love shining through her eyes. When I watch her faith grow despite her trials, I marvel at how God never leaves us alone and is always drawing us closer. A month after she was diagnosed, she came to the hotel where I was staying and sat by the pool. She told me that her marriage was better than it had been in years—the trials had brought them closer. God uses even cancer to strengthen marriages and to remind us how precious our families are.

MYTH: CONTENTMENT BEGINS WITH UNDERSTANDING WHY. TRUTH: CONTENTMENT BEGINS WITH ASKING HOW GOD MIGHT USE THIS FOR HIS GLORY.

David might be the most authentic worship leader the church has ever seen. He worshipped God regardless of his emotional state. He recognized that he didn’t have to work himself into a rapturous frenzy to worship God because he knew it wasn’t his feelings that mattered. Rather he could wait on God to put the joy in his heart, the song in his mouth, and eventually the desire to sing despite his circumstances.

Worshipping God was an act of David’s will, not his emotions.

MYTH: I WORSHIP BECAUSE I FEEL GOOD. TRUTH: I WORSHIP BECAUSE HE IS GOOD.

“The disappointment you feel seems to imply there was some sort of promise or commitment that God didn’t follow through on.” “Yes! That’s exactly right,” they’d tell me. “He didn’t!” “Okay, let’s take a look and see if we can figure out why. Can you show me where the promise you’re claiming is in the Bible?” As much as they searched, they couldn’t find a promise that people wouldn’t die, jobs would go to the most deserving, or spouses wouldn’t leave them. In fact, sometimes they would find examples of just the opposite—innocents dying, workers being paid equally despite unequal work, and spouses who not only cheated but murdered. As these hurting, teary-eyed people sat across from me and, for the first time, understood that God hadn’t promised them any of these things, they’d say, “But he’s a good God, and I’m a good person. Why wouldn’t he want me to have that?” Or, “Why would a good God let that happen?” Or even, “That’s not fair! I thought God loved everyone equally!” The betrayal and disappointment they felt was real, but the promises they thought he’d broken were not real. In their minds, they’d made a bargain with God that they’d do something he wanted if he would do something they wanted in return. But there’s a big difference between a bargain that we initiate and a promise that is found in God’s Word. As gently as I could, I would help them see that their disappointment didn’t come from God breaking a promise but from their own false expectations. They expected Go...

He didn’t promise that we wouldn’t have trials. He promised that he’d be there when we did and that he’d never leave our side.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace; Comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity; We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering. And all the while, you hear each spoken need, Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things. ’Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near? What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?

God was asking me to reveal the brokenness in my life not to show how faithless I was, but how faithful he is. God wasn’t going to use me in spite of my hard story; he was going to use my hard story.

MYTH: GOD CAN ONLY USE MY STORY WHEN THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING. TRUTH: GOD CAN USE MY STORY WHEN I TRUST HIM IN THE JOURNEY.

MYTH: I AM DEFINED BY MY PAST. TRUTH: GOD REDEEMS MY PAST AND GIVES ME A FUTURE.

The moral of each story was always similar. “Be obedient like Noah who built the ark, and God will save you like he saved Noah from the flood.” “Be persistent like Abraham who prayed for a son, and God will answer your prayers like he answered Abraham’s prayers.” “Be faithful like David, because no matter how old you are, God can use you for great and mighty things.” Each week we heard a new story, and then we were told that we should be like the hero of that story. If we behaved as they behaved, then we would find favor with God like they did. But the more I tried, the more I came up short. As I grew, I learned that while the basic truths were still there, these heroes of the faith lived much more complicated, unpredictable, and disobedient lives than what was illustrated on the flannel board or in picture books.

The Bible is filled with rapes, murders, betrayals, child sacrifices, and other atrocities. Reading Scripture will reveal that heroes of the Bible are broken and morally depraved people. Just like we are.

So many times, our actions haven’t been God-honoring or Christlike. We’ve been faithless more than we’ve been faithful. The fact that our life stories can’t withstand moral scrutiny any better than biblical life stories can shouldn’t surprise us. That’s the story we’re living in. God’s perfect creation has been corrupted by the fall, and our sins are the result. We’re living in a broken, fallen, and morally messed-up world.

Just as the faithfulness of the men and women whose stories are told in the Bible points us to Jesus, so can their brokenness. In their brokenness, hurts, and sorrow, we see their humanity. We see their need for a Savior. Though these people appear to be leading actors in their stories, when we look at the larger story, we see they are supporting characters in God’s story. God is on every page of the Bible. He’s in every one of their stories, working in them and through them. The Bible is a book of broken stories and of sinful behaviors that cry out for redemption. That’s why the entire story of the Bible points to a Redeemer. And that Redeemer isn’t Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, Peter, Paul, or even Mary. The entire Bible points to Jesus as the Redeemer—our Redeemer.

The story we’re living in is God’s story. In this context, broken doesn’t mean disabled; it means enabled to point to Jesus instead of ourselves. Sinner doesn’t mean failure; it means need for a Savior.

One Sunday morning at Perimeter, the pastor preached about the sanctity of life. A woman in our church who had an abortion decades earlier and never told anyone—not even her husband—could no longer carry the guilt and shame she felt. She cried during the service. Later that afternoon, she said to her husband, “I need to tell you something I’ve never told anyone else. Long before we were married, when I was very young, I had an abortion.” His response was beautiful: “I love you unconditionally, and I am sorry that you have been carrying that pain all by yourself for so many years.”

Telling her story started with telling her husband. With his help, she sought counseling to deal with the twenty years of guilt and shame with which the evil one had tormented her. After two decades, by finally releasing her deepest, darkest secret to those two people, she was finally able to heal. Over time, she felt God calling her to share her story with other women. Eventually, she started a postabortion care ministry where she helps other women heal from their past. This is literally a life-saving ministry. Many women who have gone through secretive abortions suffer from years of depression and suicidal thoughts. Her willingness to share her story has saved countless lives, and many of those women have gone on to share their stories too.

We’ve each had our share of glowing moments. But there are a lot of bad things people could say about us, too, because we’ve each had some dark moments. Those dark moments typically don’t make our highlight reels. We don’t tweet about them or post them as our Facebook status because we’d rather keep them hidden. We’re all a mixed bag of good and bad. Sinner and saint.

A good friend who is a pastor has a child who is a heroin addict. I’m sure he was tempted to hide his family problems from the church where he worked. He could have withdrawn socially and spiritually from the church and maybe someone would have asked about him, or maybe no one would have noticed as he and his wife drifted into isolation with their secret. But isolation rarely leads to anything good. He knew that to get the support and encouragement he and his wife needed during this difficult time, he’d have to be vulnerable and let people in. But what was the best way to do it? As we all know, telling our personal stories can be dangerous. If he were to tell his story to people who didn’t understand or weren’t compassionate, they could blame him for their own child’s addiction. They could criticize his parenting or his spiritual life, causing more heartache at a time when he needs support the most. Fortunately, this minister realized he wasn’t the only one going through a trial; parents in his church and community were facing the same issues and needed the same kind of support he did. God used him and his willingness to share his story to form a confidential support group for parents whose children were involved in destructive lifestyles. He wasn’t shouting his story from a megaphone on a Sunday morning, and he wasn’t doing it in a way that would shame his child. He was privately sharing his story with those who needed to hear it most. In the group, parents of alcoholics ...

He could have started this group without his child being an addict, but think how much more powerful it is when a new couple walks through the door and instead of just saying, “I’m so sorry,” he can say, “I’ve been there, and I’m still here.”

He didn’t wait for his story to be resolved or to have a happy ending. He shared his story of struggling with a child he loves dearly but couldn’t help. His story reminds me that when God uses our stories to heal others they don’t have to be finished. They don’t have to be wrapped up into a neat, tidy bow with all the answers before God can use them. He can redeem our stories while they’re still tattered, and we’re still in the brokenness.

He was unwilling to give up the girlfriend, and he wanted to stay married. It was a difficult time for her as she struggled to figure out what to do. Eventually my friend’s only option was to divorce him. It wasn’t an easy choice. She had three kids to support. But in the middle of all this tension, she was also afraid her church would no longer let her volunteer. One day, she asked the music minister, “Should I stop serving because I’m likely getting a divorce?” The music minister told her, “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I want you to continue serving because your divorce will be a part of your ministry.”

The music minister was right. My friend continued to serve and to worship God despite her broken circumstances. She continued to bless God’s name, in spite of the worst thing she could ever imagine happening to her family. Throughout the whole ordeal, she has become such an inspiration to the people around her who have witnessed her faithfulness, despite her trials. It’s an ongoing, messy story without a happy ending, but God has used her story to draw others to him.

What trials are you walking through? Could God be using your trials to better equip you for his work? What brokenness are you experiencing? How can God redeem it for his glory? In every trial you experience, he is closer than you ever could imagine. He doesn’t leave us or forsake us. We’re often afraid that sharing our story will lead to isolation. The truth is, not sharing our story leads to isolation.

But often, the stories where I learned about God’s comfort, provision, love, protection, and power to redeem came from friends, family, people I met at church, and hurting people I met on the road while traveling.

I wished my story had started with, “I won the lottery!” and ended with, “And we lived happily ever after.” But that is not a story that God can use. And to be honest, is that a story that would comfort or inspire you? The heroes of the faith I grew up learning about weren’t heroes because of their stories; they were heroes because they shared their stories. The only thing we’re called to emulate is their dependence on God. In our worst trials, and especially in our extreme brokenness, God is the only hero of our story. And that is a story worth sharing.

MYTH: MY STORY ISN’T WORTH MUCH. TRUTH: MY STORY IS MY GREATEST OFFERING.

Though I’m a musician, I could do the math.

MYTH: GOD NEEDS MY HELP. TRUTH: GOD WANTS MY TRUST.

When Jesus raises our dead things, he does it in his timing, not ours. And he does it for one reason—that we might catch a glimpse of his magnificent power and his marvelous glory.