The Paladin Caper (Rogues of the Republic, #3)

by Patrick Weekes

THE ELFLANDS DID not have a king. A race born in service to the ancients, they shunned authority to the extent that even using the imperative in a conversation was considered unspeakably offensive.

“Seriously,” Tern said to Ululenia, “we are going to talk about you stealing that apple. That was the last one they had, and do you have any idea what it’s like to want something sweet and beautiful and then see someone else get it instead? I mean, aside from Mister Dragon making off with Dairy?” “I am very happy for them,” Ululenia said crisply. “Because by all rights you had that virgin locked down,” Tern went on. “Very. Happy. For. Them.” “You really want to goad the possibly evil unicorn?” Desidora asked Tern. “Or is this like when you kept taking jabs at me because you didn’t like me being a death priestess?” “This is like she ate my chocolate apple,”

Now, with a prophecy, some morally ambiguous military service, and several major robberies behind him, Dairy was finally happy, living with a man who loved him for who he was.

“Kail, you and Hessler are on repairs.” Loch looked over. “We’re on the clock. If throwing money gets us in the air faster, make it happen.” “I’ll have us in the air in ninety-one seconds or less,” Kail said. “It was an example!” Hessler said irately. “Sorry, it’s a thing now, Hessler.” “Also, fewer.”

The ogre was dressed like a human, and Tern didn’t have a lot of experience with ogres in general, since Tern generally avoided the wilderness as a large, dirty place lacking in expensive things to steal.

“So it looks like the wind-daemon is breaking out,” Kail said from the control console of the sad and unnamed airship, “and while I’m not positive that Jyelle has possessed it as part of her quest for revenge against Loch—” “LLLLLLLOKKKKKKK!” shouted something inside the balloon that had part, but not all, of a functioning mouth. “It’s probably her,” Kail finished lamely.

“You’re . . . very enthusiastic,” Desidora said. Still smiling and without looking back, Tern said, “Kail gets angry. I get very chipper. Nobody wants to say no to someone who’s cheerfulling at them.” “Cheerfulling isn’t a word.” “It is in Rossle-Nesef,”

“In any event,” Hessler repeated, glaring at Kail, “even the Westteichs don’t have complete information on what happened, but they believe the ancients came here to expand their power and hunt for more resources. Most conquests boil down to resource distribution, with ideology a simple shorthand used to impress upon the lower class the—ow, sorry, yes, short version,”

The brownstone building reflected tasteful wealth and was furnished to look classically respectable in the way that only new money can.

Among other elves, “orders” were given by the captain stating that it was necessary for the ship to travel to a location. The navigator would then volunteer to set the appropriate course, while the senior druid would volunteer to tend the treeship’s magical leaves and ensure good speed.

“Now if you’d like to stop trying to hog the glory and lead the way, sir?” Pyvic clapped him on the shoulder. “We get out of this alive, I’m retiring, and this job is yours.” “Please, sir. I believe I already had enough to get you fired.”

“You know something will slip, someone will get disqualified, and the rich white kid from the important family walks away with the prize.” “And ends up a helpless thrall of the ancients,” Loch added. “Yeah, but it’s the spirit of the thing.”

They walked to the door, which had both a crystal plate and a key lock. Desidora frowned at it. “I cannot pick locks. Dairy?” “I will see what I can do,” Dairy said politely, and tore the door off its hinges.

Kail’s knuckles made a different noise on the wall, and he stopped, looked at the runes, and figured out where in the pattern there was no glowing, because if there was one thing you learned from dating a death priestess, it was that nobody builds a secret panel so that it cuts through the eldritch runes.

“I swore an oath never to kill again,” Icy said as he hopped up onto the moving belt and raised his fists. “Please try not to die.”