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Kira was special. And not in the ‘she needed medication to stop hearing the voices’ kind of way.
Ugh.
but what if he turned out to be another psycho just like her ex?
Idk hun the way you write him HE IS.
However, she was about thirty pounds too heavy to be considered perfectly shaped, and her hips were a touch wide when considered against her bust.
...Girl what?
He made a moue of distaste.
*noise
“On the contrary, I think it is refreshing in this day and age that a man and woman who find themselves attracted to each other can have a civilized discussion about engaging in a sexual partnership that doesn’t involve any emotional attachments or long-term commitments.”
Alright, so you liked 50 Shades. Got it.
Knew they would hone in on his body and stroke the hard planes she could glimpse under his dress shirt. Make a mockery of her continued insistence they shouldn’t get together.
Both sentences would benifit from a pronoun to flow better. "She knew" and "They'd make." Or "They would make," if preferred.
But don’t take too long would you with the humping and grunting.
Missing Oxford comma? After "you."
That didn’t sound exactly seductive.
*"That didn't exactly sound seductive."
And yet, when she licked some of the creamy Caesar sauce from her bottom lip, she could have sworn Arik groaned. He definitely inserted a foot between her legs. He’d slipped off his shoe under the table, and his toes, more agile than she would have expected, wiggled their way up her leg. She caught it before it hit the apex of her thighs.
Ew ew ew put your SHOE BACK ON IN THE RESTAURANT.
A voice asking if he could get them anything else—the waiter seriously wanted to die.
Me too, waiter dude.
restaurant
It took me up to this awkward spot on kindle to notice that the format isn't justified. Like, that's what its called,I'm not making a dig at the book.
her channel
JUST SAY PUSSY OR CUNT PLEASE.
the cream of her arousal
She might want to get that checked.
swollen pleasure button.
It's okay to say clit. Clit can be a sexy word. I never understood why smut writers always beat around the bush.
How he wanted to feel the walls of her channel fisting his cock.
Using the word "fisting" in this context isn't wrong, per say, but it certainly doesn't bring up the thoughts you may think it does.
coating them in erotic cream.
Stop.
she’d almost let herself think about giving Arik a little more than just her body. Maybe she could think of starting over.
At no point did she implyy anything but horniness and contempt for him. Where did this come from??
Gregory wasn’t working with a full deck, not where she was concerned.
This usually implies stupidity rather than insanity or ASPD.
The wolf had left his message and left.
It's 7AM so apologies for not having a correction, but... was there really no other word? Using "left" twice in a sentence reads weird.
For that end, he clambered up the rickety metal structure the fire code demanded, staying out of sight of the well-lit window on the second floor. A quick peek inside showed a small, plainly furnished place. He noted no signs of violence and heard nothing but soft, gut-wrenching sobs.
Ah yes, this won't traumatize her at all! It's not lie she's on high alert for a psycho wo would do just that!
Arik reads the same as the ex. All red flags. That would be fine if he didn't mirror the book's antagonist in toxic behaviors. He's even lamenting that human laws won't lethim kill whoever he wants.
He’s also a wolf.”
Why not say that first? It's the important part.
As soon as she’d come on his fingers, he was a goner.
Uhh.
Leo arrive on his fully decked out Honda Goldwing. Harley owners might stick their noses in the air at his choice in bikes,
Oh yeah that won't be loud and noticable at all.
Leo arrive on his fully decked out Honda Goldwing. Harley owners might stick their noses in the air at his choice in bikes,
Oop. You got me there.
The lion-tiger mix was a big bastard,
Liger or tigon? I assume liger due to size.
“She’s not calling them.” He could tell by the resigned way she’d even suggested it that she already knew it would do no good.
HEY STUPID SHE MIGHT CHANGE HER MIND LATER? AND IF SHE DOES AD THERE'S NO MESSAGE, THE COPS WILL CALL HER CRAZY AND IGNORE HER. Like cops aren't already bad enough.
Arik really said, "Lets cause problems on purpose
."
Violence. His lion heartily approved of it,
Why are shifter books always so wrong about biology? Lions fight as a last resort. Hell, often times they don't even hunt for themselves; they steal kills from hyenas.
How a man his size could sneak up on her baffled.
Baffled what?
We hated each other until dinner yesterday.”
As far as you've shown that hasn't changed?
“I prefer tenacious kitty.”
Seriously?
This is a kidnaping. He manipulated her ito his car while she was vulnerable and kidnapped her. Cool.
I wouldn't care if ot was acknowledged somewhat.
And to clarify: I mean acknowledged as more thank a joke about her being paranoid.
Not all men
Thhis is how you get manipulated or assaulted.
She somehow doubted that the CEO of a billion-dollar company was a closet serial killer.
What? That's literally the most likely suspect. Does Kira know ANYTHING about money?
“We’re going to my condo.”
*blows whistle*
“For one, while we will most likely have sex, and more than once,
Dude. She is running from her very unstable ex. No.
Arik has no tact. At least try to manipulate her WELL.
“Because you’re mine.” Possessive. Stated matter-of-fact. And utterly unexpected.
See, I liked fucked up romance like this. If it just acknowledged what it was and leaned into it, it'd be hot af.
“Tidy of course. You’ll be glad to know I’m not a man to leave my socks on the floor.” “Because you have staff to pick them up.”
LOL okay I like that one.
Tucking Kira’s arm in the crook of his,
I notice this a lot in this book...
Arik from propelling her forward, his large hand firmly pressed against the middle of her back.
...which is it? Pick one or tell us it changed in a way tbat doesn't look like you forgot the previous paragraph.
In his world, the laws didn’t apply unless he made them.
This is normal for billionairs.
And you protest too much.
"I think the lady doth protest to much."
Arik Theodore Antoine Castiglione?”
Oh my god NO.
one
*some
I’m more a hands-on kind of guy.”
If they had known each other for longer, or had any chemistry, I wouldn't flinch at this line. But they don't, and the man Kira has known for less than two days is implying he is okay with and has previously committed murder.
His lips brushed at her nether lips, rubbing against them. She jerked, her lower body bucking, bringing those lips in sharper contact.
That's too many lips.
The tip of tongue
*of his
There are more of them milling than usual.”
*milling about
fisting his shaft.
Hhnngk... again, weird in this context.
Meowr.
Lions don't... Whatever.
found Kira lounging on the bed, wearing only a towel.
Why is she suddenly so... okay with fucking him? After being clear that she hates him and that he kidnapped her?
