I know I felt the gears spinning, turned by ancient compulsion. Parts of me were already anticipating the shock of the water, envisioning the line of approach. It was more reflex than thought. That was my most heedless, least reasonable self down there. It did not weigh risks and probabilities. It didn’t deserve to be called decision making. I wasn’t proud of it. Still, I felt hot shame and regret as I drove away.
