The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You and How to Get Good at It

by Kelly McGonigal

Embracing stress can make you feel more empowered in the face of challenges. It can enable you to better use the energy of stress without burning out. It can help you turn stressful experiences into a source of social connection rather than isolation. And finally, it can lead you to new ways of finding meaning in suffering.

changing jobs) that people experienced in the past year and how negative their views of

They were also taught a three-step process for practicing the new mindset whenever they felt stressed. The first step is to acknowledge stress when you experience it. Simply allow yourself to notice the stress, including how it affects your body. The second step is to welcome the stress by recognizing that it’s a response to something you care about.

Your stress mindset will also influence how you react to other people’s stress. Notice how you feel and what you say or do when people around you are stressed. When other people complain about stress, does it make you anxious? Do you tell them to calm down or not to stress so much? Do you try to avoid people when they are most frazzled? Or do you use other people’s stress as an invitation to vent about your own problems, as if you were competing to see whose life is more stressful? Whatever you observe yourself doing, try to notice its effects. How does it affect your own well-being or influence your relationships with others? Then, start to look for stress mindsets in the world around you. What are the messages you get on a daily basis about how you’re supposed to think about stress?

Intersting to note how i view stress

Your liver dumps fat and sugar into your bloodstream for fuel. Your breathing deepens so that more oxygen is delivered to your heart. And your heart rate speeds up to deliver the oxygen, fat, and sugar to your muscles and brain. Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol help your muscles and brain take in and use that energy more efficiently. In all these ways, your stress response gets you ready to face whatever challenges lie in front of you.

Your bodies reaction to stress

The energy you get from stress doesn’t just help your body act; it also fires up your brain. Adrenaline wakes up your senses. Your pupils dilate to let in more light, and your hearing sharpens. The brain processes what you perceive more quickly. Mind-wandering stops, and less important priorities drop away. Stress can create a state of concentrated attention, one that gives you access to more information about your physical environment.

Its primary function is to build and strengthen social bonds, which is why it’s released during those hugs, as well as sex and breastfeeding. Elevated levels of oxytocin make you want to connect with others. It creates a craving for social contact, be it through touch, a text message, or a shared beer. Oxytocin also makes your brain better able to notice and understand what other people are thinking and feeling. It enhances your empathy and your intuition. When your oxytocin levels are high, you’re more likely to trust and help the people you care about. By making the brain’s reward centers more responsive to social connection, oxytocin even amplifies the warm glow you get from caring for others.

Sounds like a good hormone, right? Some people have even suggested that we snort it to become better versions of ourselves, and you can actually buy oxytocin inhalers online. But oxytocin is as much a part of your stress response as the adrenaline that makes your heart pound.

Stress Helps You Learn and Grow The last stage of any stress response is recovery, when your body and brain return to a non-stressed state. The body relies on a pharmacy of stress hormones to help you recover. For example, cortisol and oxytocin reduce inflammation and restore balance to the autonomic nervous system.25 DHEA and nerve growth factor increase neuroplasticity so that your brain can learn from stressful experiences. Though you may have thought of stress hormones as something you need to recover from, in this case, it’s the reverse. These hormones are built into the stress response because they help you recover physically and mentally. People who release higher levels of these hormones during a stressful experience tend to bounce back faster, with less lingering distress.26 The stress recovery process isn’t instantaneous. For several hours after you have a strong stress response, the brain is rewiring itself to remember and learn from the experience. During this time, stress hormones increase activity in brain regions that support learning and memory. As your brain tries to process your experience, you may find yourself unable to stop thinking about what happened. You might feel an impulse to talk with someone about it, or to pray about it. If things went well, you might replay the experience in your mind, remembering everything you did and how it worked out. If things went poorly, you might try to understand what happened, imagine what you could have done differ...

Learning from stress

Connect with Others Activates prosocial instincts Encourages social connection Enhances social cognition Dampens fear and increases courage You want to be near friends or family. You notice yourself paying more attention to others, or are more sensitive to others’ emotions. You feel a desire to protect, support, or defend the people, organizations, or values you care about

A trial lawyer about to give summary statements should have a challenge response. When she gets home, if her kids are fighting over her attention, a tend-and-befriend response will soothe them and herself. And if the fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night, a fight-or-flight response will get her and the rest of the family out of the house safely.

Summary of stress responses

STRESS AT 36,000 FEET A student sent me the following story shortly after the last lecture in my New Science of Stress course. Reva and her husband, Lakshman, had taken the course together. After the last class, they flew to Australia to be with one of their daughters, who was expecting a baby. Lakshman suffers from heart disease, and one of the symptoms is obstructive sleep apnea. He needs to use a continuous airway pressure machine on flights to maintain adequate oxygen. The machine has to be plugged in, and it takes up a lot of space—something that makes flying a very stressful experience for both of them. On this flight, the power outlet was on the ceiling, and the connection kept coming loose. Because it was a night flight, the plane was dark, which made it hard to see. Reva, who has knee replacements, had to climb on her seat to reconnect the machine. Trying to maneuver in the cramped row was painful. She felt her whole body responding to the stress. This is exactly the kind of situation where most people would say a stress response is a problem. Reva and her husband had little control over the situation, and getting angry at the outlet, the flight attendants, or each other wasn’t going to help. Fleeing was impossible—unless they had brought parachutes and planned to dismantle the emergency exit window. Not to mention that Lakshman was at high risk for a heart attack. He surely didn’t need an adrenaline rush at 36,000 feet. But Reva remembered that the stress respons...

of meaning. Since that first study, dozens of similar experiments have followed. It turns out that writing about your values is one of the most effective psychological interventions ever studied.16 In the short term, writing about personal values makes people feel more powerful, in control, proud, and strong. It also makes them feel more loving, connected, and empathetic toward others. It increases pain tolerance, enhances self-control, and reduces unhelpful rumination after a stressful experience.17

situation through effort and the support of others. That makes them more likely to take positive action and less likely to use avoidant coping strategies like procrastination or denial. They also are more likely to view the adversity they are going through as temporary, and less likely to think that the problem reveals something unalterably screwed up about themselves or their lives. Over time, this new mindset builds on itself, and people begin to see themselves as the kind of person who overcomes difficulties.

Remembering your values can help transform stress from something that is happening against your will and outside your control to something that invites you to honor and deepen your priorities.

“What made that a memorable or meaningful experience?” And then, “What personal strengths did you bring to that moment that helped you respond to the suffering that was present?”

Great question

How you talk about stress with the people you care about matters. One way we know what we are capable of is through the eyes of others. When you take this view for them and with them, you help them see their own strength, and you remind them of the purpose of their struggles. The Costs of Avoiding

They were more likely to acknowledge their stress and less likely to view every struggle as a catastrophe headed toward a worst-case scenario.

They believed that difficult times require staying engaged with life rather than giving up or isolating oneself. Finally, they also believed that no matter what the circumstances, they must continue making choices—ones that could change the situation or, if that wasn’t possible, that could change how the situation affected them. People who held these attitudes were more likely to take action and to connect with others during stress. They were less likely to turn hostile or self-defensive.

The strength to persevere, the instinct to connect with others, the ability to find hope and meaning in adversity—these are fundamental human capacities. They can emerge in times of stress no matter who you are or where you are.

We’ll explore how to use the energy of stress, how to let stress be a catalyst for compassion, and how to find the upside in even the most difficult experiences. When you are able to do this, you transform stress from something to avoid into something to be harnessed.

In contrast, when you have a challenge response, the brain is more likely to learn resilience from a stressful experience. In part, this is because you release more resilience-boosting hormones, including DHEA and nerve growth factor. The rewiring that takes place in your brain following a challenge response strengthens the connections between the parts of the brain’s prefrontal cortex that suppress fear and enhance positive motivation during stress. In this way, a challenge response makes it more likely that you will experience stress inoculation as a result of your experience.

How hard is this going to be? Do I have the skills, the strength, and the courage? Is there anyone who could help me? This evaluation of demands and resources may not be conscious, but it’s happening under the surface. As

Build resilliance to stress

This evaluation is the key to determining your stress response. If you believe that the demands of the situation exceed your resources, you will have a threat response. But if you believe you have the resources to succeed, you will have a challenge response.

Threat vs challenge. Demands vs resources

Lots of studies show that people are more likely to have a challenge response if they focus on their resources. Some of the most effective strategies for this are acknowledging your personal strengths; thinking about how you have prepared for a particular challenge; remembering times in the past when you overcame similar challenges; imagining the support of your loved ones; and praying, or knowing that others are praying for you. These are all quick mindset shifts that can turn a threat into a challenge—which makes them good things to try the next time you want to perform well under pressure.19

different view of the stress response’s role in performance: It’s not a barrier; it’s a resource. If he could convince participants to see their stress response this way, could he not only boost their perceived resources but also change the nature of their stress response from threat to challenge?

You can apply this strategy in your own life anytime you notice signs of stress. When you feel your heart pounding or your breath quickening, realize that it is your body’s way of trying to give you more energy. If you notice tension in your body, remind yourself that the stress response gives you access to your strength. Sweaty palms? Remember what it felt like to go on your first date—palms sweat when you’re close to something you want. If you have butterflies in your stomach, know that they are a sign of meaning. Your digestive tract is lined with hundreds of millions of nerve cells that respond to your thoughts and emotions. Butterflies are your gut’s way of saying, “This matters.” Let yourself remember why this particular moment matters to you. Whatever the sensations of stress are, worry less about trying to make them go away, and focus more on what you are going to do with the energy, strength, and drive that stress gives you. Your body is providing you access to all your resources to help you rise to this challenge. Instead of taking a deep breath to calm down, take a deep breath to sense the energy that is available to you. Then put the energy to use, and ask yourself, “What action can I take, or what choice can I make, that is consistent with my goal in this moment?”

The biology of stress

Whether you are overwhelmed by your own stress or the suffering of others, the way to find hope is to connect, not to escape.

It was exhausting to approach the goals in your life from a place of constant competition, always trying to impress others or prove yourself. It drained the joy out of work. It created conflict in relationships. It took a toll on health. And yet everyone there, like Crocker, thought this was the only way to succeed. The workshop leaders, however, had a different point of view. They argued that if you see yourself as part of something bigger—a team, an organization, a community, or a mission—it takes the toxicity out of striving. When your primary goal is to contribute to this “something bigger,” you still work just as hard, but the motivation driving you is different. Rather than just trying to prove that you are good enough or better than others, you view your efforts as serving a purpose greater than yourself. Instead of focusing on only your own success, you also want to support others to further the broader mission.

Crocker and her colleagues have studied the consequences of self-focused versus bigger-than-self goals for academic success, workplace stress, personal relationships, and well-being, as well as in two very different cultures, the United States and Japan.12 One of the first things they found is that when people are connected to bigger-than-self goals, they feel better: more hopeful, curious, caring, grateful, inspired, and excited. In contrast, when people are operating from self-focused goals, they are more likely to feel confused, anxious, angry, envious, and lonely. The emotional consequences

When you see your job through a bigger-than-self mindset, it can elevate even the most basic tasks, and buffer against burnout.

Great for inspiring teams

The sense of being alone in our suffering is one of the biggest barriers to transforming stress. When we feel isolated and disconnected, it is more difficult to take action or see any good in our situation. It also can keep us from reaching out to others, either to get the help we need or to benefit from being of help to others. The ironic thing is, probably nothing is more universal than the experience of stress. Nobody gets through life without experiencing physical pain, illness, disappointment, anger, or loss. The specifics may vary, but the underlying experience is as human as it gets. The challenge is to remember this in your own times of suffering.

People who feel alone in their stress are more likely to become depressed and to rely on avoidant coping strategies, including denial, giving up on their goals, and trying to avoid stressful experiences.40 They are less likely to tell others about their stress and suffering, and so are less likely to receive the support they need. This makes them even more convinced that they are alone in their struggles. In contrast, people who understand that suffering is part of everyone’s life are happier, more resilient, and more satisfied with life. They are more open about their struggles and more likely to receive support from others.41 They are also more likely to find meaning in adversity and less likely to experience burnout at work.42 And yet, despite the benefits of recognizing common humanity, people often underestimate the stress in other people’s lives and overestimate other people’s happiness.43

I’ve found that to feel less alone in your stress, two things help: The first is to increase your awareness of other people’s suffering. The second is to be more open about yours.

Even the most unwelcome experiences can lead to positive change. Adversity can create resilience, and trauma often inspires personal growth.

it would be easier to quit the program and disappear.

Here are some of the most commonly reported forms of growth: I have a greater sense of closeness with, and compassion for, others. I discovered that I’m stronger than I thought I was. I have a greater appreciation for the value of my own life. I have a stronger religious faith. I established a new path for my life.

Choosing to See the Upside of Adversity So far, we’ve seen that adversity can make you more resilient and that trauma can lead to growth. Moreover, we’ve seen that taking this point of view on your past challenges can help you persist in the face of present stress. But what about when you’re in the middle of a stressful situation? Is there any benefit to believing that adversity helps you grow while you are neck-deep in it? One way to answer this is to find people in stressful circumstances and ask them if they see any benefit in the situation. If they do, does it lead to a better outcome? The answer appears to be yes.

Below is a list of the most commonly reported positive changes experienced in response to hardship, loss, or trauma. Consider whether you see any signs of these benefits in yourself: A sense of personal strength. How has this experience revealed your strength? Has this changed how you think about yourself and what you are capable of? How have you personally grown or changed as a result of having to cope with this experience? What strengths have you used to help yourself cope? Increased appreciation for life. Do you feel a greater appreciation for life or a greater enjoyment of everyday experiences? Are you more likely to savor simple moments? Do you feel more willing to take meaningful risks? Have you begun to give more time and energy to the things that bring you joy or matter most to you? Spiritual growth. In what ways has this experience helped you grow spiritually? Have you experienced a renewal of faith or reconnected with communities that are meaningful to you? Have you deepened your understanding of, or willingness to rely on, a religious or spiritual tradition? Do you feel that you have grown in wisdom or perspective? Enhanced social connections and relationships with others. How has this experience strengthened your relationships with any friends, family, or other members of your community? Has it given you more empathy for other people’s struggles? Has it motivated you to make any positive changes in your relationships? Identifying new possibilities and life dire...