Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget

by Sarah Hepola

Women were sick of altering their behavior to please, to protect, to safeguard—while men peed their names across history.

I could see myself losing years this way, living nowhere but between my ears.

I needed to be reminded I was not alone. I needed to be reminded I was not in charge. I needed to be reminded that a human life is infinitesimal, even as its beauty is tremendous. That I am big and small at once.

Sometimes people drift in and out of your life, and the real agony is fighting it. You can gulp down an awful lot of seawater, trying to change the tides.