The Voices in My Head Are Full of $#@!

by Dave Wenger

Too often in my early life I aimed my efforts, intentions and hopes at being a good Christian instead of being myself – the person I was created to be. In various seasons of my life I’ve prostituted myself to religion. It gave me nothing but guilt, shame, and condemnation. Then it had the unmitigated gall to ask me for more. At some point I opened my mouth and told that story and sin began to lose its grip on me. Sin – the act of missing the mark of being my true self – demands to stay in the dark. It runs from the light. It covers itself with arrogance, bravado, self-depreciation or self-loathing. Finding a community in which to tell that story was an early step to breaking free. Being in that community helped me face how I’d sold myself short by trying to be something I knew deep in the quietness of my soul I really was not. My community helped me see the hopelessness of thinking I would ever fully experience love, acceptance, and praise by covering up my sin and denying my True Self. No more secrets. No more lies. Then came freedom.