Ways to Die in Glasgow (Sam Ireland Mysteries, #1)

by Jay Stringer

Murdo walks past, not sensing me there, and pulls his tackle out, pointing it at the steel urinal. Before he can relax enough to let rip, I step in beside him and grab his wee boaby, gripping it hard and twisting a little. He yelps and pulls away, but then realises that’s going to cause him more pain, so he steps closer. It must be tricky trying to figure out what to do when a man has grabbed your dick in a lav. Almost as weird as being the guy holding it. I’ve only ever touched my own until now. His piece is warmer than I’d expected. Rougher too. It’s like holding one of those battered sausages in a chip shop.

‘See, the thing is now I have to cut your dick off, aye? I mean, I’m trying here, Murdo, I really am. I want to leave you be. But then, my uncle has gone missing, someone’s killed his dog, and two fuckers shot at me last night, so my patience is wearing a bit thin. And hey’—I look down into my hands—‘speaking of thin.’

If you don’t feel nervous when you see a copper, there’s something wrong with you.

There’s tons of the stuff, and it’s all arranged nice on shelves behind the bar. I don’t think it’s weird to say that walking into a place like this gets my dick hard.

‘Why the fuck would I want a gun? Would you ask a man who’s just been bitten by a shark if he wants to buy a shark?’

Joe turned back towards Lambert. There was an odd sound, like metal sliding out of metal. Joe waved something in front of Lambert’s face. Lambert coughed. His throat was wet, phlegmy like a cold. He felt water running down his neck. Joe held a knife up in the space between them and smiled. Joe touched his hand to his throat and felt the blood running between his fingers, the air sucking through the wound. He staggered backwards. His last thought was It’s probably okay to feel squeamish right now.

This is a really confusing passage. Pretty sure it was Lambert that touched his hand to his throat here unless both Joe and Lambert cut each other's throats simultaneously.